I wrote a brief poem about just how single I am:
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I’m so alone,
oh god how did this happen…
It doesn’t rhyme and it’s not very pleasant, but neither is being single all the time, and in that way I think it’s just about the most truthful piece of art I could create. You’re welcome. Now enjoy some other writing samples from the similarly afflicted via Twitter.
10. Long distance relationship
Can you hear me now? GOOD, BECAUSE I’VE GOT SOME THING TO SAY…
Sometimes I call my phone company just to argue with someone
— Laurent Perrier (@itslaurentbtw) July 16, 2020
9. Fact checking
Don’t forget also showing them every bit or your physical failings.
https://twitter.com/ginnyhogan_/status/1278358258466447361
8. Breaking news and breaking up
My thumb slipped, I swear.
https://twitter.com/danadonly/status/1283056790523920384
7. Mustache-twirling courtship
Sometimes the old ways are the best.
As much as I dislike online dating, it beats finding a partner the old fashioned way: defeating an evil villain and untying her from a train track in the nick of time.
— Ronny Pascale (@ronnypascale) April 6, 2019
6. Got you covered
And let me tell you, they’re all over the map.
Bruh I’ve been single for so long someone just asked ask me who I am with and I said T-Mobile smh
— lil Ali (@LilAli119) April 24, 2020
5. Emergency contact high
Some people are just your go-to’s for certain conversations forever.
https://twitter.com/Megan_Sass/status/1284724773428310016
4. Laws of attraction
I don’t want to make any waves here…
https://twitter.com/repsfolk/status/1282145556563922946
3. Love languages
I’m fluent in my native tongue but I’m also conversational in trash talk.
https://twitter.com/mikeythedisrupt/status/1171967787729920001
2. The game is afoot
We can’t know, there’s just no way to know.
https://twitter.com/NATCpod/status/1280223383427350530
1. Chemical reactions
Technically, this booze is a solution.
https://twitter.com/ExLife_Coach/status/1119486804439093248
Maybe I should try my hand at writing a love poem to woo somebody with. *ahem*
Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s day?
Because you’re uncomfortably hot and I find that intimidating,
So I might just stay inside
Hmm. Probably needs a little bit of work.
On a scale of one to tears, how single are you?
Tell us in the comments.