As the old saying goes: “If you can’t take the heat, get off Twitter, because somebody’s gonna bring the heat in the form of a reply that’s gonna get lots of retweets and attention, and then won’t YOU look like a fool with your heat-not-being-able-to-stand-self just sitting there on that microblogging website.”
Or…I don’t know, it goes something like that.
At any rate, the ancient adage is certainly true, as evidenced by these ten hot replies.
10. Doesn’t measure up
The fact that this tweet is from/about my hometown makes me feel doubly proud-shamed.
Americans will measure with anything but the metric system https://t.co/m7EFYJbFAX
— Ralph (@Ralphium) August 10, 2019
9. Read the room
How are you gonna tell a prolific author they don’t know how words work?
A Yale History professor told me to get tutoring for my “remedial English.” I’d already received Wright Prize for nonfiction & later that year, the Veech Prize for fiction, so I told him: “It’s not that I don’t know how to write; it’s that you don’t know how to read.” #Grammar
— Min Jin Lee (@minjinlee11) July 23, 2020
8. Say Watt?
Once again, the jocks get all the cool stuff…
how much are they for everyone else?
— JJ Watt (@JJWatt) July 24, 2020
7. Why Musk you be this way
Dang, two Elon tweets in a row.
You named your kid like R2-D2 or some shit https://t.co/yvJDRPkcYY
— Ken Klippenstein (@kenklippenstein) July 25, 2020
6. Exception that proves the rule
You didn’t just walk into this, you hopped on a rocket and blasted in.
You are absolutely right. https://t.co/5HDi6pOpVJ
— ROYZ (@royzkingin) January 6, 2020
5. No accounting for taste
How lo can you go?
2 awful logos, the worst name in pro sports, and a ridiculous color scheme. How does something like this happen? It’s so bad it must be intentional. And what does this say about our society? Surely this is the end for us.
— Scott (@slboehler) July 23, 2020
Ah daaamn, that was good
— Scott (@slboehler) July 23, 2020
4. A dated reference
I think it’s time we saw other formats.
DD/MM/YYYY
Other formats can really be confusing 😩 https://t.co/dITwyX5z8r
— Innovated_Matheus (@InnovatedM) September 8, 2017
3. Getting cheesy
For context: Chris Pietschmann is a programmer who has worked for Microsoft.
NOT COOL CHRIS – WE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING WHEN VISTA CAME OUT
— VELVEETA (@CheesyVelveeta) July 20, 2020
SORRY CAN'T HEAR YOU THE ZUNE IS TOO LOUD
— VELVEETA (@CheesyVelveeta) July 20, 2020
2. I choose you!
Not sure how best to defend against this fire-type reply.
Kidnapping them and forcing them to fight?
— gianni🅙 🦁 (@PlayoffDre) November 25, 2019
1. I’ll be your number one with a bullet
Pretty unlikely anybody would come up with a better response, I’ll tell ya that.
3 bullets colliding
— DaveAgainstTheMachine🏴 (@DaveyCarnage) May 7, 2020
God bless Twitter and its endless armies of people just waiting to come up with something clever to say in response to some other thing someone else thought was clever. This is what the internet was made for.
Who are the funniest people on Twitter, in your opinion?
Tell us in the comments.