On a scale from “I consult with my nutritionist and personal trainer to do monthly meal planning with only locally grown whole foods hand-fed to me by the farmer himself” to “sometimes I put cream cheese on Cheez-Its to make Cream-‘Ems,” how health-conscious would you say that you are?
Personally, I’m closer to the latter than the former, and while I know that’s not great, it sure does allow me to laugh pretty hard at a lot of tweets about the health struggle.
It’s easy to get swept up in worry when it comes to our bodies. We gotta chuckle sometimes too.
10. The easy way
I hear you, and what I’m saying is absolutely not.
Doctor: most of your medical issues could be solved with a healthy diet and exercise
Me: pic.twitter.com/mOzwjAN1ET
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) July 12, 2019
9. Mixing it up
These apples will never hurt anyone again.
see you in hell you stupid fruit pic.twitter.com/damHdR5E7j
— schmox (@IvoryGazelle) October 5, 2017
8. Diagnostic mysteries
Listen to the voice inside of you, but not the one that’s being a total bummer right now.
Me: So tired. So weak. Am I incurably sick? Is this the end
My body: The only green thing you've eaten in weeks was an Andes Mint.
Me: Why, cruel world? Why me
Body: You sleep 4 hours a night.
Me: Oh mortality, the cruelest mistress.
Body: Maybe go for a walk? Just one
— Ꮍᴀᴇʟ (@elle91) July 1, 2019
7. It’s a miracle!
Apple knows things that we mere mortals couldn’t dream of.
iPhone Pedometer: You’ve taken 29 steps today.
Me: [from my wheelchair] “When?!”
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) July 12, 2019
6. Size doesn’t matter
Thanks, I hate it.
my favorite part of a massive summer sale is how all the jeans are a size 25
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) July 12, 2019
5. Pediatric hydration strategies
Yes I am a baby and baby needs this hangover gone.
enjoying a nice pedialyte on the rocks this fine morning
— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) May 5, 2019
4. Getting your exercise
You mean I gotta walk all the way back to my dresser?
[buying something online that in the pre-internet era I would’ve had to get out of bed, shower, get dressed, and leave the house to do]
Website: you have to go get your wallet now
Me: this is bullshit
— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) April 26, 2019
3. Deadly serious
Are we the first generation to meme about mortality like this?
https://twitter.com/maisondecris/status/1153375394017533954
2. Watch me whip
Maybe she’s just eating it right from the tub at night?
https://twitter.com/whatmaddness/status/1143697965162356737
1. Genetic issues
Better know all about this body so I can keep ignoring it.
"faceapp has your photo now and can use it against you!" – white people who spit in a tube and sent it to a strange factory to learn they are in fact from europe
— Paige Skinner (@paginaskinner) July 20, 2019
Remember to like, I dunno, have a carrot or something if you haven’t in a while. I’ve heard that’s good. I’m no scientist.
What are your big health tips?
Share ’em in the comments.