We all have a “Karen” in our office. The woman with the plastered smile on her face, black suit with a white button-down—that screams “safe” and “in-charge”—with short hair, and a perpetual smugness to complement her passive-aggressive attitude.
If only you could call her out on it, but you can’t. She’s the Office Manager, tasked to handle all big and small things…including the office birthday celebrations.
Photo Credit: Unsplash, JESHOOTS.COM
These are the top “all too familiar” 13 passive aggressive emails an office “Karen” might send if the signed birthday card wasn’t delivered back to her on time:
1. Karen: “Not sure if you saw my last email.”
You: “Ah, yeah, Karen. That and the last three you sent. Kind of busy at the moment.”
2. Karen: “Per my last email…” or “Reattaching for convenience.”
You: “Again, Karen. I saw your damn emails! And please continue to clog up my inbox with the same document explaining the importance of office camaraderie.”
3. Karen: “Thanks in advance.”
You: “For what? A favor I did not agree to and now I have to follow through? Great.”
4. Karen: “Per our conversation…” or “According to my records…” and “As discussed…”
You: “Jesus, Karen! I know you need me to sign the birthday card. Stop paper trailing it! And for the record, this was never discussed.”
Photo Credit: Unsplash, Tim Gouw
5. Karen: “Any updates on this?”
You: “F**k! Karen! I have no update on the damn card!”
6. Karen: “Sorry for the double email.”
You: “Actually, Karen. This is the eighth email, but who’s counting?”
7. Karen: “Please advise.”
You: “Do you really want my advice? Stop throwing birthday parties. No card for you.”
8. Karen: “As previously stated…”
You: “Let me think.” <brings up emails> “The card is due back to you by 3 PM, you need to run to the bakery, make more coffee if the carafe is empty, and for the love of god – change the toilet paper roll in the bathroom. Did I get it all?”
9. Karen: “To Clarify…”
You: “Guess not. I missed the part about you being SO ANNOYING.”
Photo Credit: Unsplash, Nathan Dumlao
10. Karen: “A friendly reminder…”
You: “Here’s a friendly reminder: I hate birthdays.”
11. Karen: “Going forward…”
You: “I will listen to your mandatory deadlines and office collaboration. Yup. Got it.”
12. Karen: “Let’s circle back on this.”
You: “Now? Later? Is this a threat?” <Stares at the card>
13. Karen: “Please let me know if I misunderstood.”
You: “Clearly, you think I misunderstood.”