Raise your hand if you think dating is fun. I can’t actually see any of you, of course, but I’m going to go ahead and assume there no hands in the air right now. Dating is generally thought of a necessary evil, the sort of thing you hope turns out well but might be awful. The only upside to the awful is that it can result in a lot of great stories.
Twitter user @millercycle posed the following prompt to the internet at large:
https://twitter.com/millercycle/status/1252608843709853696
There were hundreds of replies, and most of them were fascinating, cringy gold. Enjoy this selection of examples.
14. Moving on
Please don’t use a date as a therapy session.
Listen to Lady complain 3 and 1/2 hours about her ex. I mentioned in passing I still got along with mine. She said I was too hung up on my past.
— RayHaluskaStatsStuff (@CruisingRay) April 21, 2020
13. Prison and a movie
This is the grossest show and tell I’ve ever heard of.
Told me he wanted to swing by and visit his brother on the way to our lunch date. Turns out his brother was in jail, and it was visiting hours…legit just brought me in there to be like “look at this one” to his convict brother lol
— Resting Beach Face (@deemaeburns) April 22, 2020
12. Insult to injury
This is called “negging” and it’s a pickup artist technique employed by douchebags. Never be this guy.
He spent the entire time insulting me, telling me how much hotter the waitress was, and then jokingly asked if I had an eating disorder because I wasn’t eating (repulsed, I had no appetite) and followed it with a comment about my tits
— ©👽 (@shesatornado) April 21, 2020
11. A taxing experience
I have so many followup questions for this one.
1) She left early to go home and do her taxes.
2) She accidentally stabbed me with a lit cigarette when making an emphatic point about her estranged husband.
3) “You hate me because I’m a vampire, don’t you?”— John Fladd (@woodenmask) April 21, 2020
10. Extortion
Boy oh boy can money make people terrible.
He took me to a fancy restaurant that I could never have afforded and right before he paid the bill he stopped and said, “Before I sign this, can I have a kiss?” So gross.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 21, 2020
9. Candid camera
Look, no kink-shaming but you need CONSENT from EVERYBODY.
Went back to her place after dinner and drinks, started making out, made our way to the bedroom… only to hear a *cough* from the closet, where her husband was hiding with a video camera.
— Ignoble Savage (@drayzze) April 21, 2020
8. The young and the restless
This is…concerning.
Drove to pick her up- found out she was a LOT younger (20) than she said (26) and didnt have a car. At the restaurant, I told her I really had an issue with her lying about her age and she screamed “why do you always do this?!”. We had met like, an hour before.
There was no 2nd
— Name Cannot Be Blank (@Sir_Meh_The_1st) April 21, 2020
7. Literally Hitler
How is this even possible?
Went on a date with a girl who spent half an hour telling me how much she hated … (wait for it) … Labrador retrievers.
— TheDismalTide (@the_dismal) April 21, 2020
6. Drugs not hugs
Everybody knows you don’t do this ’till the third date.
First date.. 20+ years ago. We are in the city. He bought crack. He got left in the city.
— Jen (@brokemycoccyx) April 21, 2020
5. B I T E
I really REALLY need to hear your worst story now.
I had a guy bite me at the bar after i beathim at Top Golf it left marks and then. I had a bruise for two weeks after. That was awful but not even the worst.
— mishjenn (@mishjenn) April 22, 2020
4. Nec-romance
Weirdest. 3 way. Ever.
He summoned the spirit of his dead Nan.
— Chantelle (@Chantelle_Disco) April 21, 2020
3. Distance
Welp. She’s a free spirit, we can give her that.
I went to pick her up at her house. I knocked and heard “come on in”, as she knew I was coming.
As I entered her apartment she came out of her bedroom naked saying “I’ll be ready in a couple minutes”… with another dude in tow. Also naked.
I left immediately.
— The Bearded Bastard (@jonathanocchi) April 21, 2020
2. Stranded
As someone who recently visited Detroit, this is a fate worse than death.
Blind date ~ He decided I was boring.
Kicked me out of the car, downtown Detroit, before cell phones. Drove around the block a few times. Picked me back up & then took me home. During Winter 🥶— Orphaned Annie (@orphaned_annie) April 21, 2020
1. Pickpocket
Welp. Run, I guess?
Dinner date, While I was in the bathroom she decided to steal my phone/wallet from my coat I left on my chair. When it came time to pay the bill i couldn’t. so I had the waiter use “find my phone”. In the middle of ranting why thief’s are the worsts. It rang loud from her purse
— Mitty (@Dimariae) April 22, 2020
These stories are truly helping me feel better about the fact that I haven’t had a date in a while. I think I’ll just revisit them every time I need that boost. Thanks for validating my loneliness yet again, internet!
What was your worst date?
Tell us in the comments.