How petty am I? Oh, I’m Peppermint Petty. I’m Petty Paige. Petty Boop. I’m Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.
…wait.
Anyway, however petty I may think I am, I can’t really hold a candle to a lot of the folks in this particular list, who’ve taken pettiness with their spouse, and the expressions thereof to a whole new level of art.
Let’s get down and petty, Twitter.
15. Plate Tectonics
Oh really, how could you tell?
Me: you’re mad at me?
Wife: no, not even sure why you would say that.
Me: I can tell by the sound of you putting the plates away.
Wife: fuck you and fuck those plates.
Me: there it is.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) February 26, 2020
14. Salami is Gone-y
So long and thanks for all the you.
my boyfriend pissed me off so now I’m eating all the expensive salami in the fridge
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) May 17, 2020
13. Put a Button on It
It took me a second, and then the horror set in.
https://twitter.com/cameryncarterr/status/1290779546023792640
12. Beerful Blasphemy
Man, now all my bros will think that I can’t hang.
My husband pissed me off so I logged into his beer rating app and gave a bunch of mediocre beers five-star reviews.
— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) April 23, 2020
11. The Adjustment
Donut unto others as you would have them do unto you.
My wife ate the last donut this morning so I went in her car and readjusted the driver's seat and mirrors.
— Forward March (@RunOldMan) March 11, 2021
10. Rest in Peace
Look I hope I’m not out of line here but WHAT is happening with these names?
I'm tired of y'all playing so much 😂 pic.twitter.com/wuwwYND4U3
— Rondo Bryant (@BullHunitProof) June 12, 2017
9. Light Me Up
Beats talking to each other!
My husband got a remote control for our Christmas tree lights and I haven't seen him this happy since our first child was born.
So it seemed only fitting that I gave my oldest the honor of hiding the remote from him last night when he pissed me off.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) December 10, 2020
8. IDK
It’s a delicious and fulfilling meal.
my boyfriend asked me what i wanted to eat & i said i don't know & this what he brings me. 🙄 pic.twitter.com/JQcMQvloED
— a (@chopstckss) June 28, 2016
7. Whisk Me Away
And you’ll never be able to open that drawer again.
I know it sounds mean but when I’m mad at my wife and want to lash out, I’ll put a whisk in the spatula drawer when I’m emptying the dishwasher.
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) December 3, 2020
6. Throwing a ‘Fit
That’s advanced tactics right there.
I let my wife know I’m mad at her by wearing outfits she doesn’t like.
— Eman El-husseini (@emanifique) November 12, 2018
5. Pay Attention
Ok but like how many times per year do you use your SO’s middle name? Like once, maybe?
Me as a petty girlfriend pic.twitter.com/iZEYkNsRwk
— eva gutowski (@lifeaseva) July 1, 2016
4. The Invitation
Thank you, I’d love to graciously RSVP for two. You’ll be my plus one.
my passive aggression to get my husband to do his chores has reached new petty heights pic.twitter.com/giCqu8w1Hh
— steven j. horowitz (@speriod) May 1, 2020
3. The Plans
Woooof.
My husband pissed me off today so I told him that I can’t wait to see what he had planned for our special day tomorrow
There is nothing special about tomorrow
But there is something special about watching the color leave his face as the panic takes over
— kids_kubed 🇨🇦 (@Kids_kubed) January 11, 2020
2. Spoiler Alert
Hope you enjoy paying $14.95 to watch that one episode.
This girl I used to go out with is still using my Netflix and that's cool. She's watching Scandal and is currently on S7E12. Series finale is S7E18. Guess who's changing her password as soon as she gets to episode 17? Yep, it's Petty Labelle.
— 🏳️🌈Regina (@heyqueenregina) November 26, 2018
1. Care for a Cuppa?
Wars start over less, you know.
I just remembered the time I was dating a British man and I was annoyed at him about something so I deliberately made my tea in the microwave while staring him right in the eyes
— Alisha Rai (@AlishaRai) January 9, 2019
Man. That is some petty spaghetti right there.
What’s the pettiest thing you’ve done lately?
Tell us in the comments.