For those of us who don’t identify as queer, or LGBTQ, it can be interesting – but sometimes impossible – to try putting ourselves in their shoes.
One of the questions people who aren’t living their life might not understand is how they reconcile living in their true skin with religious beliefs that can sometimes seem to criticize or even decry who they are – and these 15 q*eerfolks are here to give their two cents.
15. Church and faith are two different things.
I’m bisexual and a Christian.
When I told my mother I also found girls attractive, she outed next to my church before I was ready for that. She told my pastor who told everyone at the end of service to pray for me and my sins and that I would come to realize I do only like men. Then my mother forced me into his office and locked me in his office to have a meeting with him. He basically told me that I don’t actually like girls, I should like men like him and be attracted to men. Meanwhile, I was 13 at the time, just getting finished with the court system (I was raped by my brother’s father from when I was 5 until I was 11 years old, of course I don’t find men attractive/ don’t forget, my mother willingly locked me in the room with a man just months after sending this other man away to prison).
My pastor knew everything that happened in that time and told me that to realize I am a straight young girl, that I would have to forgive the man that took my childhood away from me. He said that I only think I’m bisexual because I was a sinner and I had premarital s^x so this was my punishment. All of this was years ago now, I’m fine now and past what happened. But that sticks with me. I’m still a believer and I know what my faith is. I just will not go to church. I was belittled and picked on until I absolutely refused to go anymore by the other kids who attended that church.
I don’t think my God is in the church anymore.
14. God doesn’t have to judge.
Depends on your religion, really! (For context, I am a gay man from India, living there as well)
I was born into Hinduism, but left it due to a lot of reasons. Hinduism itself is a diverse religion – and several sections of Hinduism have shown tolerance and even acceptance toward multiple genders and sexual orientations. Modern Hindus (at least in India) can be, and are, very homophobic and transphobic, but it is more of a cultural thing, than a religious thing. Many gay couples have had Hindu weddings abroad, so maybe there is a way forward? It will take a lot of theological and religious debate before progress is made.
I was an atheist for a while, but now practice Buddhism, which has no proscriptions for laypeople being LGBT. Many Buddhist teachers, monasteries and sects now openly welcome and even ordain LGBT people, and the practice is geared more towards personal liberation rather than a God sitting in judgment. Buddhism has helped me reconcile my identity with my faith to an extent!
13. Because Jesus is there for you.
When I was 19, I had a come to Jesus moment after ending up in a psych ward. I was going through a gram of coke every day, rolling every weekend, stealing from my parents, had stopped taking my meds in order to “safely” get blackout drunk nearly every night (stellar logic, I know), self-harming to the point of needing stitches, and was failing all of my classes in college. I ended up in the hospital, and I had a vision of Jesus telling me I was “having all these problems because I forgot how to talk to Him”. Even though I thought it was a delusion and hadn’t been to church in 6 years, I went back anyway.
I’m coming up on 3 years of sobriety now, I’m on the Dean’s List at my university, and I consider myself a devout Catholic. In the time since I went back to church, God had changed every single aspect of my life and personality. I didn’t go through any programs like NA, but a combination of psychiatry, therapy and daily mass at 7 am. Despite doing a complete 180, the one thing that never changed was my sexuality. When I was 13, I prayed that I would stop being attracted to girls, and it didn’t happen. I stopped going to church because I thought that I would get struck by lightning if I ever entered the house of God again. After my second year of sobriety at age 21, I was grateful for the “new” me, but kind of laughed at how I was still bisexual at the end of it all.
I don’t really have the “evidence” from the Bible to back up my claim that God accepts me for being LGBT. I also definitely don’t have the support from the general Christian population. But I guess in my experience, when I asked God for help, He looked at my addiction, the state of my mental health, the way I was treating other people, and my self-hatred and went, “This needs to change”. And when He looked at my sexuality, He went, “This doesn’t”.
12. There is a liberal church.
I think it depends on your religion. I am bisexual and a Christian. People ask me this all the time when it comes up, and they often seem to make unfair assumptions about what Christianity actually teaches based on some sort of stereotypical conservative, deep south form of the religion. Christianity is not a cohesive religion where every Christian on the planet believes and practices in the same way; but rather an umbrella term for many different denominations who share a common belief in God and the teachings of Jesus but have other differing beliefs.
I belong to a liberal church. We believe the Bible is a historical text and should be read as such e.g. keeping in mind that it only speaks about issues of biblical times and doesn’t necessarily translate directly to our modern day experience. We also believe the most important commandment of our faith is when Jesus said “to love one another as I have loved you”. Therefore, in our daily lives we try to practice situation ethics; we always look at each situation and decide what is the most loving thing to do. The focus is primarily on Jesus’ teachings about love, kindness and taking care of the less fortunate. For this reason, contrary to the popular image of the conservative Christian, many of our members are actually outspoken socialists.
Being LGBT is not considered a problem at all for us as the most loving thing to do is to accept your fellow humans for who they are. We believe that everyone is part of God’s plan, LGBT or otherwise.
11. The organized church may not be for you.
I’m not overtly religious, but grew up in a catholic/church of England house.
When I first came out, I completely shunned the church as I was taught all my life from the church that gay people were sinners and devils etc. which really made me hate myself. Now though, I’ve separated my beliefs from the church.
Yes, I believe there is a god, but I disagree with organised religion, religious teachings, and a lot of things I grew up with.
10. Not all churches are created equal.
I never really had this problem.
As far as I remember this topic was never mentioned in my church and same-sex marriage was even possible before my country legalised it. In my school we had service once a week and one time the pastor even spoke about transgender people in a good way. You really have to keep in mind that not every church is the same.
I only came into contact with this whole god hates gays stuff over the Internet and then I already was too old to really believe this bullsh^t.
9. One of the best things about Judaism.
I’m a gay trans woman who is Jewish. My grandparents are orthodox, a good portion of my older family is conservative, but an even larger portion is reform/non-practicing religiously.
When I came out as trans, I didn’t lose a single family member. Not one. None of them said it was wrong, none of them said I was bad or evil. They just… started using my preferred name, asked a few questions, and moved on. As far as they cared I was always “Ellie”. My grandparents were among the first I told, and they were the first to tell me that they want me to be happy and to be who I am, and that they’re proud of me for being so strong. They’ve been there for me ever since.
For me, my religion is exactly like my family. It’s there for me; it helped raise me, shape me, and gave me lots of tools that I use today to be who I truly am. I don’t have to reconcile because it was never a conflict to begin with. I tune in for online services, my partner and I observe Shabbat and holidays, and I sing the Shema every morning. I truly believe HaShem has given gifts beyond my comprehension and I am perfectly fine with it. Even in the darkest moments of my depression and dysphoria I’m comforted by my family and my faith.
Don’t get me wrong. It took a long time for me to get where I am, and there’s still a lot of work to be done, but I am confident I can get through it with my faith, family, and partner. It’s harder some days than others. Sometimes I do question, and sometimes I do get angry at HaShem for the things going on and the many people who suffer including me. However, I strongly believe in being a candle in the darkness. The world can be a scary and confusing place, but in my eyes religion shouldn’t be. Your faith should be a haven; a beacon in the shadows, an oasis in the desert, a canopy in the rainforest. It should nourish you, protect you, make you feel loved and safe. It should give you purpose and help you be the best you can be. It breaks my heart that religion isn’t that for many people, especially in the LGBTQ+ community. The best thing we can do is move forward and keep completing the work of perfecting the world.
8. The people and the church are different.
I grew up LDS so trying to come to terms with my sexuality in the first place was hard since LDS people aren’t exactly the best at “loving everyone.”
As a result of this, I started falling away from the church, knowing if anyone found out about me, I would be judged like no other. I stopped going to church and stopped interacting with the kids my age to avoid what was going to happen. As I got older, I realized the church, as a whole, was not going to judge me for who I was. I still try to stay away from church gatherings because people themselves are what make it worse, but I live everything my church stands for. I wholeheartedly believe in it, just because I don’t practice it regularly like everyone else, doesn’t mean I don’t keep it close. I live my life both religiously and how I chose to as a member of the LGBT community. I still participate in activities like pride and I keep my LGBT friends and family close. Sidetrack a little bit, my cousin came out around Christmas time.
He recently moved in with us and has told my mom that he, despite the fact that he’s gay, would love to reconnect with the church and become a member again. I strive to be like him, proud of my religion and my sexuality, and able to find a balance between the two.
7. God doesn’t hate you.
Even as a child I questioned religion. Why was my ministers telling me that other people are condemned to hell and a life of sin just because they believe in another religion? If they are a good person, if they love, if they are kind, why should god care what temple we honor him at? Why should god care what clothes we wear, what prayers we say and how we praise his name?
It sounded sad to me and I can’t bear to think to think other people will go to hell just because they were not born in the same religion as me.
The God they honor in church is a different God than mine. My God is understanding, and all-loving, and he knows we are imperfect. Being Bisexual just means that I love someone regardless of the body they are born into. I love their soul and not their physical shell. And God knows this love. I believe it is the same love he feels for us.
Why would God hate me for loving someone so much I would give my everything for them?
6. The teachings of Jesus.
MY FRIEND is very Christian, and very gay.
What he tells everyone:
Quote me what Jesus said about homosexuality. I follow the teachings of Jesus, not Leviticus.
Edit:So I texted him about the old testament and he said:
New Testament overrides Old testament. You can say it’s pick and choosy but find me someone who follows all the laws of Leviticus, like 19:19, or 15:28-30.
So I looked it up and:Leviticus 15:28-30
“When the woman’s bleeding stops, she must count off seven days. Then she will be ceremonially clean.
On the eighth day she must bring two turtledoves or two young pigeons and present them to the priest at the entrance of the Tabernacle.
The priest will offer one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. Through this process, the priest will purify her before the LORD for the ceremonial impurity caused by her bleeding.
Leviticus 19:19:“‘Keep my decrees. “‘Do not mate different kinds of animals. “‘Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. “‘Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material.
I’m pretty sure almost everyone wears mixed fabric clothing. And I’m willing to bet among even the most devout Christians, none of them are bringing two birds to the priest every month after their periods, and even if they did I would bet my left nut the priest isn’t burning one of them as an offering.
5. One under God.
I am Sikh, transgender, and gay.
In my religion, there is nothing written explicitly against homosexuality or gender changes.
Although, marriage is described as a bond between two souls, and it is often presumed to be between a man and a woman. Howerver, it is not explicitly written.
And gender is not anything. We are not male, nor female, we come together as one under God.
So, Despite a majority of Indians being extremely homophobic and transphobic, I do not pay it any mind. I am with God for myself, not for my family or others.
or something like that hehe
4. Sexuality doesn’t have to matter.
I’m buddhist so it’s generally all good in the hood! Being bisexual/pansexual would never be seen as an issue in the school of buddhism i follow. Actually, the founder of the order was a gay man, and regardless there is nothing in the original teachings which would have influence regarding sexuality.
3. The church can be liberal.
I think it depends on your religion. I am bisexual and a Christian. People ask me this all the time when it comes up, and they often seem to make unfair assumptions about what Christianity actually teaches based on some sort of stereotypical conservative, deep south form of the religion. Christianity is not a cohesive religion where every Christian on the planet believes and practices in the same way; but rather an umbrella term for many different denominations who share a common belief in God and the teachings of Jesus but have other differing beliefs.
I belong to a liberal church. We believe the Bible is a historical text and should be read as such e.g. keeping in mind that it only speaks about issues of biblical times and doesn’t necessarily translate directly to our modern day experience. We also believe the most important commandment of our faith is when Jesus said “to love one another as I have loved you”. Therefore, in our daily lives we try to practice situation ethics; we always look at each situation and decide what is the most loving thing to do. The focus is primarily on Jesus’ teachings about love, kindness and taking care of the less fortunate. For this reason, contrary to the popular image of the conservative Christian, many of our members are actually outspoken socialists.
Being LGBT is not considered a problem at all for us as the most loving thing to do is to accept your fellow humans for who they are. We believe that everyone is part of God’s plan, LGBT or otherwise.
2. No sin is worse than any other.
Regarding Christianity, I’d have a look in the Bible and see what exactly it says about homosexuality—Leviticus in particular is where it condemns homosexuality (if you believe in that interpretation).
It also condemns 75 other things, among which includes allowing your hair to become unkempt and wearing clothing made of different fabrics. If homosexuality and religion cannot be reconciled, than neither can these things.
The problem is no one actually reads the Bible.
1. Things beyond a person’s control.
Muslim and bisexual here. One of our main beliefs as muslims is that God will be very just and fair on the day of judgement, and in regards to who goes to heaven and hell. Contrary to popular belief, Islam is not as radical, barbaric and backwards-thinking as it is often portrayed. We believe that God will take into account circumstances that are beyond a person’s control. So a poor person may have an equal standing in heaven as a rich person who has done fewer good deeds. Someone who had never heard about God or Islam will not be judged in the same way as those who have heard about it and rejected it.
That also means I will not be punished for being bisexual as it is not in my control, since I didn’t choose my sexuality. What is in my control though is whether I decide to pursue a same-sex relationship, and even that can not clearly be seen as sinful unless i decided to have sex. So I believe it is a test from God to see whether I follow my own desires or his rules. That way, I keep my religion despite being bisexual.
I know that this opinion will probably get attacked by people, but I do not wish to engage in any debates about whether Islam is the correct religion or not, as this is not what the question is about. Respect my decision to be a muslim, and I will respect your decision not to be. I’m sorry I had to write that but it seems whenever a comment about Islam, or religion in general, is posted on the internet, a barrage of arguments follow between atheists and religious people, and I just wanted to try and prevent that.
I love reading things like this straight from the mouths of those who live it.
Do you have an experience like this to share, or do you know someone who has? Tell us about it in the comments!