It’s important to have a wingman for any number of reasons when you go out drinking – safety being the primary one – but hey, if they can actually work to help you snag a consensual hookup, so much the better.
And these 15 wingmen went above and beyond the call of duty, all in the service of romance.
Sure. Let’s go with that.
15. I hope he at least gave you gas money.
Buddy of mine was talking to a girl who was making not so subtle hints that he should get over there. He unfortunately was about 90 minutes by car away and didn’t even have a car. As it was 1am he didn’t even have public transport to avail himself of.
He mentioned his dilemma to a small social group and I decided he was losing his V-card that night. I drove 20 minutes to his house, then 90 up the coast to drop him off near 3am.
Mission was a complete success.
14. I hope there was no permanent damage.
So I had this friend, a white and nerdy type, 18 and eager to lose his virginity. One night I decided to take him out to a house party and introduce him to another single friend, a hot chick (a naughty librarian type a girl). A couple of drinking late for both of them, they really start to hit it off, so I walk off to do my thing. The night is great, dancing, drinking and f*cking around. Then I see my friend at the bar/kitchen bench surrounded by 2 guy pushing, and yelling at him. Naturally I walk over to sort this out. Apparently he spilled a drink of one of the guys, and the guy was pissed that his socks are wet. I try to talk thinks out without resulting to violence, which clearly isn’t working. So I tell my friend to go back to the girl, and I stay back and deal with this ass hole. Thus I ended out getting into a fight with these two blokes outside (mainly getting the sh^t beat out of me) while my friend was getting his brains f*cked out in the bedroom upstairs. Still to this day haven’t told about the fight.
TL; DR Got beaten up so that my friend can lose his virginity.
13. That’s gotta be some kind of depressing night.
My dorm neighbor was having his girlfriend over but had nowhere to fool around since his roommate also had a girl over. Being nice i gave him my room and planned to sleep in my other neighbors room.
I slept in my neighbor on the other sides room…. Until he starts having phone s^x with HIS girlfriend.
I ended up sleeping in the hallway on the floor with a pillow and a quilt.
Edit: clarity
Edit2: I slept in my neighbor
12. Wow, talk about taking one for the team.
My friend was sleeping over at my house. My parents and brother were all sleeping upstairs while we were downstairs watching tv, playing video games and sh^t. At around 1 am he asks if this girl can come over (he REALLY wants to get with this girl, and I don’t want to turn him down so I reluctantly agree, on the condition that she’s quiet.) The three of us are hanging out and I make some excuse to leave the room so my friend can have some alone time with this girl. I’m upstairs in my room when I start hearing loud moans. This is bad news for me, but great news for my friend, he’s losing his virginity to a girl he really likes. I hear stirring in the next room and I know that their bout of loud lovemaking has woken my parents. The last thing I want is for my confused father to walk in on my friend f*cking this girl in my basement. What do I do? I go to pornhub, click on the first video I see, crank that sh^t to 100 on my speakers and let it play for the ~three minutes that my buddy ended up lasting. My dad ended up coming into my room, discovering the source of the noise (I even threw in some fapping motion under the covers) and awkwardly leaving. My buddy ended up having “the best f*cking time ever bro” but jesus there were some awkward glances exchanged between my parents and I the next morning.
Edit: Obligatory HOLY f*ck 52 MONTHS OF GOLD!?!?!? edit
11. Random but okayyyyy.
I let a gay dude play with my nipples so my gay buddy could hook up with his friend… didn’t know gay dudes were into nipple play Edit: I’m a straight guy btw… plus didn’t know my nipples would get this many comments
10. What important work you’ve done.
In our dorm all of the window screens were fastened by screws. There were no female visitors allowed after 10:00PM. I removed the screws from my ground floor window, and passed the word to the entire dorm that any visitors were welcome to pass through. It wasn’t long before I had girls knocking on my window at all hours of the night. I would remove the screen, open the window, help them climb through, send them in the right direction, and replace the screen and close the window. The Resident Assistants never knew, as my room was directly opposite from the front office. So…you could say I was a wingman for the entire dorm.
9. I don’t think I’ve ever been this good of a friend.
Went out with a large group of friends for my best friends birthday, ended up in a club. My friend had been drinking heavily throughout the day, and we were meant to be meeting up with a group of girls later on, one of whom was a long time interest he’d had. Just as we arrived at the club, he threw up, EVERYWHERE. I mean just all down himself and just looked horrible. Anyway, as was expected, he sobered up pretty soon after, and just kept saying how he couldn’t believe he’d blown his chance with this girl. A few friends said he should just go home and call it a night but he was getting more and more upset because apparently she’d said it was a sure thing if he met up with her. Now, he didn’t have much luck with the girls and I really wanted this for him, so I took him to a nearby alley and (after actually having to convince him to make this happen) got him to switch clothes with me. He went in, had a great time, and has now been with the girl for about 3 years. I went home in a taxi covered in sick.
TL;DR I changed into my friends sick covered clothes so he could continue his night out and get the girl.
EDIT Wow, thanks for the gold and the responses! To answer a few things, the taxis in Manchester (England) are pretty strict on people without clothes on, so that stopped being an option. However sick covered clothes are apparently ok. She does now know the story, he told her a week later and I got a night of free drinks out of it and she actually tells the story the most out of the three of us and, in an odd twist, it now actually helps get me girls on nights out!
8. I’m a fan of the subtlety.
I had a friend who was “open” visiting and she didn’t want to sleep on the couch so I told her that she should just sleep in my roommates bed with him. She was good looking and he was/is a neckbeard, so he was happy to have a hot girl in his bed.
After a couple of nights, she tells me that he hasn’t made a move and it’s getting annoying. Of course, she is unwilling to make a move either so they just stay up all night talking about painfully stupid sh^t that I’m sure no man cares about, but he is entertaining it because of the chance he might get some.
The next day I ask her if he’s made a move – she responds “He’s still being such a sweet guy, but I saw some condoms, I’m not sure if he is trying to give me a hint.”
I then ask him if he’s hooked up with her yet and he tells me “No, but I found condoms on my nightstand that I didn’t put there.”
My response, “She might be giving you a hint, go for it!”
He goes for it and bangs her for the next week.
They still don’t know it was I who bought the condoms and strategically placed them on his stand without telling either of them.
7. It cracks me up that dudes really do things like this.
Not really crazy but I was always in on some of the magic tricks that a buddy would do at a bar. This involved stuffing a card into a girl’s purse with her back turned to me/pretending I was just a stranger who miraculously has her card in my coat pocket.
This system actually worked to some degree…
6. I guess Kevin Spacey isn’t canceled for everyone.
Posted this in another thread but I count Kevin Spacey as my best wingman. Not really crazy but still awesome. Probably will not be seen. But Kevin Spacey is awesome in person. When I first met him I thought he would be a total d%ck. I was visiting New York with a friend of mine and my friend took me to my first Broadway play. Which being from a small town in the south was f*cking spectacular. I mean the effects and everything. I recommend to go see a play in New York to everyone. But anyway we were walking out of the theater and my friend who hid his pint in his leather jacket going in. Asked if I wanted some so I said sure. Then it his me like a mack truck like how about we go in the bathroom and drink because no cops should be around. So we go into the bathroom and there is this one guy pissing so we act like we are washing our hands which seemed like forever (we got pretty toasted before the show). The guy walks out and we start swigging away on it to finish it.
So in comes Kevin Spacey, my friend and I are dumbfounded…..my first thought was hide the bottle in my hand and my second thought was this is Kevin Spacey he smoked weed in American Beauty. So he just walks in and gives us a nod, uses the urinal and while he’s pissing says (to this day I will never forget it), “Are you here for the show or to watch me piss?”…Since I was lit I blurted out we are here to drink. My friend slaps me upside the head and nothing but silence. He zips up and turns around and says good so am I. He whips out a flask and we pass him our pint. We bullsh^t for a couple minutes, he says it was nice to meet you and whatever….but the best thing was is this….I told him this is my first time in New York and was wondering if there was any good bars. He said try such and such….my friend and I looked at each other then he left. We walked out thinking he probably thought we were gay….so long story short…we go to this bar and mention Kevin Spacey said come here after we got out of this show.
Apparently he called ahead and told the guy what we were wearing and everything was comped. We did not run up a huge tab or anything but we were sat in the VIP section and everyone looked at us like we were gods. Also we got laid that night. The tab was probably like three hundred dollars and we told the manager we wanted to pay….he said no….so we left the woman who waited on us a $200 tip….also we took a couple women to our hotel room and had some more fun. My friend passed out after doing Tequila shots with the women…..so long story short Kevin Spacey hooked me up with my first and only threesome to this day I do not tell this very often because no one believes me. But rest assure if you meet him he is a godsend.
5. This is a great mutual bro-ship, if you ask me.
I had a party at my house and a lot of people ended up crashing there because they were way too drunk to drive home. All the rooms were occupied except for mine. My buddy met this girl and really wanted to hook up with her but had no where to do it, so I offered up my lovely, innocent bed to spread his baby gravy all over. I slept on the ground in the other room and woke up the next morning with a note thanking me, a $20 bill, and my sheets in the washing machine.
4. You weren’t even there and still nailed it.
I only get partial credit for this one because I didn’t actually do anything, but it’s still my favorite. So, every year a bunch of friends and I go to DragonCon in Atlanta. Last year I couldn’t go because I was deployed in Afghanistan, so my buddy decided to get a 5 foot tall print of a picture of me, paste it to a board, and carry it around the whole time. Apparently it was a great conversation starter and the whole “I’m bringing my friend here in spirit” thing played extremely well. He ended up sleeping with some girl dressed as Lara Croft.
tl;dr: My buddy used a 5 foot tall picture of me to bang Lara Croft.
3. It’s like the tooth fairy but less weird.
So this girl was really into my roommate and she didn’t know how to go about getting him interested in her. I didn’t mention that he was already into her because I figured things would work, nature would take over. but I know that my roommate never really had a girlfriend that liked to actively give blowjobs and that he really wanted a Girlfriend who he wouldn’t feel bad about asking for one. So I texted her a little “guide to my roommate” and inside i explained that his biggest turn on and favorite thing ever is spontaneous blow jobs.
so after a few days they started seeing each other. Months later I had asked how they were doing and he explained ” Man, I don’t know what her deal is but she is crazy about blow jobs! ive never had so many in my life, its fantastic!”
I felt like a child’s parent after hiding money from the tooth fairy under their pillow.
UPDATE!: Wow! Reddit gold!!! thanks everyone!! unfortunately the relationship did not last too long and I may or may not have ruined his s^x life by forcing it to peak too early, that being said his current girlfriend is super awesome and I hope she too enjoys giving blowjobs.
-the Blowjob Fairy
2. A kiss should never come between friends.
This girl was really into bi guys, so I kissed my friend in front of her.
Edit: didn’t expect any attention on this, but
I am a guy
My friend is a guy
My friend did get laid
The kiss was aight 6/10
We still homies
1. Yikes arrested and naked and everything.
A large group of us decided it would be fun to break into an outdoor pool late at night and go for a swim. A girl that one of my buddies had been interested in for some time was going to be there, so naturally he made an appearance too. They ended up chatting for quite sometime, and it looked like they were going to go home together. The night started to die down, and the only people left were myself, my buddy, the girl, and another friend of mine. As we’re preparing to leave the pool, the police show up (just 1 car, so a couple of officers), and are about to arrest us.
I can see the massive look of disappointment on my buddy’s face, so I take a deep breath and shout ‘WILD CARD BITCHES!”, toss a huge bin of pool toys into the pool, and jump on top of the police cruiser naked. Fortunately, both of the officers chased after me, and my buddy and the girl managed to run away. They hooked up that night, and have been dating for 8 months now.
TL;DR Wild Card Bitches
May you all have at least one friend as good as these. Because you need one of these. Immediately.
Did you ever have a night where a wingman had the ride of his life? Share the story with us in the comments!