22 Things People Actually Had the Nerve to Try and Return

There’s an old saying that goes “the customer is always right.” Unfortunately, it seems to have drifted quite a long way from its original context. Apparently it used to imply that if the customer said they preferred this thing over that thing, you should not try to argue with them, just sell them what they want.

Sensible enough.

But somehow, over time, the mantra warped into “As a customer, anything I say is correct no matter how stupid it may be.” Retail workers hate this phrase.

To demonstrate exactly why, here are 22 stories from retail employees about the dumbest things customers thought they were “right” to try to return.

22. Dry off

You’re the worst character ever, Towely.

21. Night of the living dead

Come on, take it, maybe it’ll grow on ya.

20. Caught empty-handed

Is this the plot to the new Ocean’s 11?

19. Days gone by

There are better ways to get rid of that, friend.

18. Show off

In related news, I’d like to return all my small pants that *I* no longer fit into.

17. Positive feedback

That is very much not how this works.

16. Location, location, location

This is what happens when you’re proven wrong but are too stubborn to admit it.

15. Props

You tried your best and that’s what matters.

14. Ghost of Christmas Future

I would watch the hell out of this court case, though.

13. The tooth hurts

This isn’t just dumb. This is dumb beyond science itself.

12. I saw that

It didn’t take much to cut through his nonsense.

11. A big stink

The manager is also going to think you’re dumb, ma’am.

10. Empty promises

The rolling stone catches no returns.

9. Grosser grocer

“Oh you won’t take my garlic, huh? Sounds like something a VAMPIRE would say!”

8. Sick burn

People know when you smoke, lady.

7. Shrinkage

This is why you always buy pants that are slightly bigger than what you need.

6. Power play

He came, he saw, he cancelled.

5. What’s the difference?

I’m sort of on the customer’s side with this one, actually.

4. Even odds

Basic math is tough sometimes.

3. What a bargain!

“For sale. Lightly used for two cycles around the sun.”

2. Receipt retreat

How do you become an adult and understand so little about how the world works?

1. Spud dud

This is either horrifically dumb or one of the best prank calls I’ve ever heard of.

So clearly, the customer is not always right. In fact, their ratio of incorrect to correct is likely staggering. Say a prayer today for all the retail workers who have to deal with them. They’re the real heroes.

What was the worst experience you’ve ever had with a customer?

Tell us about it in the comments.