Dating can be hard, but like most things in life, the more you do it, the better you get at figuring out not only what you’re looking for, but who you are as well.

Which…it’s a long road to get there, but it can be enlightening.

It can save time, too, as these 30 dudes are ready to attest – because they knew almost immediately that their first date with someone would definitely be their last.

30. What a monster!

I once went to a movie as a first date with a girl (her idea; bad idea). She got there late and the movie had already started. She then wanted to talk during the movie in the middle of the crowded theater.

I didn’t shush her or anything, but everything was a one-word answer, trying to end the conversation. She got up halfway through and said I was obviously not interested in her. She was right.

29. A list of topics to avoid…

I went on a date with a lady I met online. She talked about three things on this date and little else.

Her pets.

Her ex.

The last time she had gastro.

There was no second date.

28. Just what? She didn’t even make you one, too??

I drove her home because she didn’t have a car at that time, and she asked we stop for an errand… to pickup matching T-Shirts she had designed for her and her ex.

27. Not even a whole first date, really. Winner!

I arrived at her place and she told me to hop in her car as she just needed to drop something off at a friends house real quick. It wasn’t a friend, it was someone she had an appointment to sell those hot oil infusers and their millions of scented inserts to.

I sat in a stranger’s home for 90 minutes while they smelled them all. She wanted to go to dinner afterwards and I asked her to please drop me off at the car so I could go home.

“She had a business to run.” Guess it didn’t even make it a whole first date.

Edit: Holy s*^t show, this blew up.

1). For everyone telling me I should have gotten an Uber/Lyft. This was before those things existed, which wasn’t all that long ago.

2). She was selling Scentsy.

3). I never knew that r/antiMLM was a thing, makes sense that it is. I’ll have to drop by sometime and say hello.

26. Good thing he was paranoid.

I’ve posted this before because it’s so weird.

I went for a meal with this girl I met through a dating app and it was going really well. We started talking about movies and then we decided to go to the cinema to go watch Inception. She said there was a cinema nearby but I didn’t know the area at all, so I used the GPS on my phone and she held it and directed me.

Once we got there we started walking inside and I realised I didn’t have my phone in my pocket. I said I must have left it in the car and started to walk back to get it. She was trying to get me to leave it and saying we would miss the film but the phone was only about a week old so I was really paranoid about it.

We checked the car for about 10 minutes but we couldn’t find it. I asked her to check her jacket and bag but she said it wasn’t there. A couple parked next to us so I asked them to ring my number because I couldn’t find it. It started to ring and it was obviously coming from my dates handbag.

She took it out and said she must have missed it. I thanked the couple and locked my car and as I turned back around she was walking the other way. I ran to catch up and asked what was going on but she was very dismissive and was barely talking.

That’s when I realised it probably wasn’t an accident and just left her to walk home alone.

25. Talk about a dead clue.

We went to her place and her pets and plants were all dead. I saw goldfish floating upside down in a fish tank. And, she had a dead hamster in a cage on her dining room table. She said “that happens a lot” and all I’m imagining is hamster after hamster starving to death right in front of her.

The word “sociopath” floated into my mind.

I made some excuses to leave and she went a bit nutty at that point which concerned me quite a bit but at least I already figured her head was seriously spun.

24. The cat’s meow.

“You’d have to get rid of your cat”

“I’d get rid of you first”

And that was the end of that. Actually had 2 women tell me I’d have to get rid of my cat, pretty much immediately. f*ck you, a cat is a life commitment.

23. There’s no non-awkward segue for that.

She had a 1yr old and told me about a recent nasty divorce, No problem until she told me that the divorce was due to the baby not being his…

22. Yeah, that’s definitely something to take more seriously.

She said “Haha can’t wait for you to meet my older brother, he just got out of jail for selling heroin. ”

Me: “didn’t you tell me your younger brother was addicted to heroin?”

Her: “oh ya, wonder how that happened”

Fuck this sh^t I’m out.

21. Who says that out loud?

When she said “I’m so glad my fiance is still deployed…”

Noped out and left her with the bill for that dinner.

20. Good decision.

She rolled her eyes when I said she looked nice. (She had put in a lot of effort.) Criticised where I chose to eat. Complained about the music we went to see. I spent the whole date anxious, assuming that she was hating every moment – because, you know, she didn’t have anything positive to say about anything. Then I get:

“I had a good time! Let’s do this again.”

Nah I’m good. I’ve got enough negativity and mixed signals coming from my own brain. I don’t need that coming from the outside too.

19. This guy is kind of my hero.

So….I’m not proud of this one, but I’ll share.

Years ago, when I was still single, I met someone online. We chatted a bit, she seemed cool enough, and we decided to meet up for a burger at a place I knew downtown. Seemed like a kind of low key thing. I get to the bar a few minutes early, and order a beer. Then finish it. Then, 45 minutes late, she rolls in.

1) OK, cool. We all have jobs and have dealt with traffic and whatever, it happens. But no excuse, just a shrug and a ‘that’s how it goes sometimes’. She sat down, we began chitchatting. She asked about my work, I assumed it was regular nervous smalltalk.

2) but no, it was trying feel out how much money I made.

3) When she asked my job title, and I told her, she immediately suggested that we leave this casual pub place to hit up a wine bar down the block. Ok, I guess. It’s a little more upscale than I had in mind, but ok. We walk to there, get seated, and then come the menus.

4) She ordered herself dinner. Some kind of seafood thing that cost an insane amount of money. And a bottle of wine. Not a glass, mind you. A $250 f*cking bottle of wine. I had already ordered a drink from the bar for myself, and got the impression that this was not wine to share.

5) She kept talking about much her job sucked, and how little it paid, and how no one at her work was fun to hang out with. Like the only conversation she had was bashing work & coworkers. With a few mildy racist undertones.

6) The whole time, she was texting friends to meet up that evening. I was invited, of course, to party with them all night (and, I assume, bankroll their fun).

I discreetly went up to the bar, paid for my drink, and just left. Straight up noped out of there, without so much as a goodbye. From my messages when I checked in online later, I know that I ‘stuck her’ with an almost $500 bill, and that she was going to sue me for it. Heard from the wine bar owner later (it was close to work, and a sometimes happy hour spot) that she apparently tried to skip out on the bill, but they stopped her & she paid.

BTW- my very next date was with the woman I eventually married. It went much, much better.

18. Phones are ruining everything (said the Gen Xer)

Went to dinner; she was on her phone the entire time texting. Even when we were talking.

Figured she was just in it for a free dinner cause really what’s the point of agreeing to date if you’re not going to try to get to know the person

17. I don’t even know what to say to that.

When we saw “Fury” in theater she read the subtitles out loud.

I’m not sure if she thought I couldn’t read them or if she needed to sound them out, but I knew at that moment no follow up was necessary.

16. Or maybe she wanted to know if you were okay with it.

She forgot to take off her wedding ring at the second date.

15. Isn’t that what dates are for?

If I ask you a question or try to talk, please reciprocate. I hate that I feel like I’m supposed to use up an arsenal of questions that will only get a brief response in return.

14. What, that bothers you?

Claimed that she was seeing other guys just to use them for free drinks, their pool, their car was nice, etc. noped out real quick.

13. People, man. You never know what they’re going to say?

She chewed gum through our initial date, which was at a decent Italian place including a bottle of good white wine.

And she proceeded to tell me how she had married early, had two kids (girls), realized she was a lesbian, left her husband and took most of his money, lived with girlfriend #1, left girlfriend #1 for #2, ended that and then realized that “long term, she needed a d%*k.”

I noped the f**k out of there so fast . . .

12. No worries for whom?

Pregnant, but no worries…the father is locked up.

11. It’s nice to get a reach.

She didn’t even bring her wallet to the restaurant.

I would have offered, and obviously ended up paying, but that level of presumptuousness was an immediate turn off.

10. Gold diggers beware.

She asked if I had any love interests still in existence. When I said no she didn’t believe me. She told me she wanted to travel the world and see old friends (who were guys) and thought that I, as a lawyer should work and pay for her travels.

She was insane. She also offered to f**k in her car in the first five minutes of meeting. No second date for you!

9. He’s fine with the first one, though?

Met her at a hospital (I was an ER patient for a hand wound,she was a phlebotomist). Asked her out to a movie and then dinner, had a really excellent talk about comics and movies.

We were getting to know each other and flirting, it was clearly a date.

At the end when I told her I’d like to do it again she said her fiancé probably wouldn’t be cool with it a second time.

8. That would make me want to punch her.

Nurse I met on tinder.

She told me she disliked all her patients and that sometimes she would simply ignore them for long periods of time.

That’s a no from me, dawg.

7. Are there people out there who do this?!

  1. Suggested we go to the nicest steak house in town..
  2. When I assumed we would go Dutch or pay for our own, she assumed I was paying because she’s “just old fashioned”
  3. Asked me what my debt to income ratio was…
  4. Upon learning I had paid off my student loans, demanded that I paid her student loans if I wanted a second date…

I drove us to the venue, but I just drove home by myself after paying the bill.

Go f**k yourself Erin you cheap b*%ch

6. Know your worth – good for you.

This one girl told me she was “giving me a chance” because a mutual friend said I was nice. She was totally out of my league and we both knew it, but she insisted on acting like it was a favor to go out to dinner with me.

If she’s not actively happy about seeing me, I don’t really want to see her either.

5. That’s a strange thing to de-prioritize.

Teeth as black as the night. She didn’t have any diseases or syndromes but simply no “time” to brush her teeth.

Foe the record. Her photos didn’t show her teeth

4. WTF is a super taster?

I met a girl from my university for dinner one time and she started the date off by saying she only ate with her hands and didn’t use utensils because she’s a “super taster” and can taste the metals they’re made of. This wouldn’t have been a problem if we were eating finger foods of course, but it was a problem as I watched her eat a salmon filet and wild rice like f**king Gollum…

Edit: she was not a Filipina or of Asian descent. According to her Facebook she is German/Italian, and I know those people use forks!

Edit 2: if y’all think eating rice with your hands is normal behavior and you wouldn’t be embarrassed in public if your date was doing so… watch this video and report back. This is a fairly accurate first person account of what I was witnessing.

3. You keep using that word…

6 years ago, I went out with a girl who called me a racist because I don’t like sushi.

2. What on earth?

First and only date with a girl I barely knew through some friends. I drove to her house, she got in my car and smelled like she had just taken a massive s*^t but forgot to wipe.

Went to dinner, I barely ate. Made an excuse to end early, dropped her off and drove home with the windows down in the middle of winter.

1. Awful is one word to describe it.

I was 32, she was 25. She showed up to dinner high as a kite. Dropped the word ‘Cunt’ several times loud enough for the People around us to hear. She then got loaded during dinner, ordered an expensive plate and barely touched it. She also told me I’m stupid for still buying books, and childish for listening to music.

She also insisted I had to take her out 2-3 times a week, minimum. It was also implied she’d be moving in with me in the near future(She was unemployed and living at home, which honestly, didn’t bother me. The whole jumping in to the deep end did) 20 minutes in to the date I text my friend, “Holy s*^t! Turns out she’s awful!”

It’s hard to misread some of these cues, I suppose, but good on people for not wasting each other’s time.

How can you always tell a date is going nowhere? Tell us about your own metrics down in the comments!