We’re all a little creepy sometimes, I think, even though we usually don’t mean to be. For me, I know that I can get this 100-yard stare when my mind is puzzling something out, and sometimes, that stare seems to land on another person.
For a long time.
These 30 people had similar instances, and whether it happened to them or their spouse (or someone else nearby), there’s no doubt that we’d all be a bit creeped out in that scenario, too!
30. I mean, it was an accurate comment.
I worked at a cafe/bistro in Kona, Hawaii when I was an awkward 19 year old as a dishwasher, but when it was slow, they would send the servers home and I’d walk orders out to tables.
One day this lady was breastfeeding her kid in full view at her table and of course I was the only one available to take her drink out to her, so I take her coffee out to her and try like hell to avoid eye contact. I end up spilling a small carafe of milk at her table. SUPER!
So, I had to come back out to clean up the milk mess and be more awkward and I was trying to make small talk, so this came out of my mouth — I can’t believe how much milk those li’l things can hold!
Yeah, I actually said that.
Her jaw dropped and I just walked back inside and sat in the employee bathroom on the toilet for like half an hour with a really, really hot face just replaying the moment over and over in my head. My face still gets hot with embarrassment just thinking about it.
29. That is truly awful.
I was hanging out with some friends, and one couple had a crying baby. It was giving me a headache, so when it suddenly stopped crying,
I mumbled in what must’ve been a super creepy voice, “Oh yeah, that’s nice.”
Everyone else got silent, so I looked up.
The baby was breast feeding.
28. I’m sure that didn’t freak anyone out.
During an impromptu speech, I meant to say “Even though I can’t shoot hoops with the kids anymore, it’s still a part of me”
I, accidentally, said:
“Even though I can’t shoot kids anymore, it’s still a part of me.”
27. That is so not right.
I did this one. Important to know I’m a dancer and I love doing swing style lifts. Waiting for someone I noticed a young girl, probably 14 or 15, across the way. She was close to 6′ and very thin in a fit, not anorexic, sort of way. Thin long partners are amazing for lifts, pretty much all options are available. So I must have been out of it and I just started day dreaming about all the dances we could do.
So here’s a guy in his late 20’s openly staring at an attractive 14 year old girl. She caught me and said “is there something you need?” And I don’t know why these words came out of my mouth, but I just grin and say “I could just throw you around.” She looked quite shocked and hurried away.
One of those moments in life you relive a thousand times and cringe each time.
26. You’re lucky no one called the cops.
I’m a preschool teacher. As I was leading my class down to the indoor playroom a couple weeks ago a child asked where we were going. I said “To the climber. It’s nice to spread our legs!” which didn’t seem quite right to me, though I couldn’t figure out why.
I also noticed another teacher giving me a weird look.
Later, I realized I meant to say “stretch our legs” and felt pretty embarrassed and creepy for the rest of the day.
Edit: to say that I am also a dude. The only male teacher in a school with about 30 employees. So that added another level of creepiness.
25. She’ll never forget this customer…
My dog was sick so I went to Walgreen’s to get a rectal thermometer for my dog.
I looked for Vaseline but all they had was some off brand lube.
I stopped an employee to ask if that lube is safe for dogs.
Oh, the look of horror that she gave me.
24. Hahaha that’s hilarious but not for her.
I go to a school with squirrels all over the place. One day I’m walking and I see there is a squirrel like a foot from me. I whisper, “I’m so close to you,” smiling at it, and a lady I had not previously noticed turned around and gave me the most upset and scared look while she got the f*ck away from me.
23. Bet that made the rest of high school really awkward.
I suddenly yelled “You all are making me hard!” to a class of high school students when I was a student teacher. What I had actually meant to say is something like “You all are making this hard to do.”
Yeah…I didn’t really live that one down.
Every time I asked certain students to do something they would say “Ok, Mr. FeelAsleepOnKeyboard, I certainly wouldn’t want to make you hard again.”
22. Yeah those aren’t the same thing.
The 3DS has a feature where it recognizes other 3DS consoles in the area and you can then see the other person’s Mii. The more people you meet the more access you get to mini-games.
I often carry it with me to work and once told my wife that I was “picking up kids.”
I actually meant that I was picking up their signal from their 3DS.
21. I’m going to guess she was texting her friends like mad.
Was driving back from a first date with a girl. Went poorly; I was even more shy, nervous, and awkward back then. We’re driving through an area with lots of plains, not a car in sight for miles. Gas is starting to run low and I decide we should head for a gas station.
And then I blurted out, “Man, we could both die out here and nobody would ever find our bodies.” She looked horrified for a few seconds. I then realized “Oh man…we should find a gas station” was something I didn’t say out loud before that; I just thought it in my mind. I stumbled towards explaining what I actually meant by that morbid comment. Needless to say, the rest of the trip was kinda quiet and weird.
TL;DR: Accidentally kinda implied I was going to kill a woman in the middle of nowhere.
20. Poor Alex was never the same.
I used to manage a large liquor store and had such a great time with my employees. I had a goofy sense of humor, as we all did, to make time go by. I would always say weird things when opening the doors to our walk in cooler, as if I was talking to the cooler itself. Like when I know I had a lot of work to do in there I’d open it and say “You ready for what I’m about to do!?”
One day I opened it slowly with a group watching and exclaimed “WHO’S READY TO GET F***ED IN THE A$$”?!
And in the cooler stood, Alex. The new kid, who just started that day.
19. I think that’s on him, not you.
I was in math and variables the teachers used were ‘d’ and ‘p’ so naturally I leaned to my friend and whispered “…double penetration”.
I’m a girl, so he asked “how do you know what dp stands for?” (because I guess it’s a porn thing?) and I responded with “Oh I have two brothers, I know all about double penetration.” Meaning they always try to gross me out by saying all that sh^t but that was totally not how it was taken by my friend.
Nope, according to him I get ga*gba*ged by my brothers.
18. This is not a normal thing to say. Lol.
Very nice grocery store cashier told me she hoped I have a wonderful day.
I have no idea what possessed me to respond with a friendly, “thank you, I hope you never die”.
She was probably scared to walk to her car that night
17. There’s no living that down.
“i’m gonna show you what sucking d%ck is all about!”
Playing MK Ultimate, things got heated and every time my friend lost he would scream “suck my f**king d%*k!”.
Eventually the testosterone levels in the room reached critical mass and those famous words were uttered.
16. That’s not the right response.
I was at a bar and I met this girl from out of town.
She told me she was a detective that specialized in child rape cases.
My reply was “oh I love children”…..
15. I mean, curiosity isn’t a bad thing.
Secretly pulled our midwife aside after our son was born and asked if he could “squeeze the placenta”.
14. It’s good to keep the other people on their toes.
My wife will hide for quite a while to scare the sh^t out of me; I mean 10-20 minutes to catch me off guard. For awhile it happened when I got out of the shower.
It got so bad that I would creep out of the shower and look for her all over the house in nothing but a towel and a judo pose. There were a few times I searched all over the house only to find out she had left to go shopping.
Edit: Thanks for the upvotes! I’m glad to see I’m not alone in this…
13. That’s true love right there.
My wife has problems sleeping and tends to talk (mumble) in her sleep. The worst, however, is when she sits bolt upright screaming. This happens once or twice a year.
I’ve also woken up to her kneeling on her pillow, batting at something on the wall, and making frustrated sounds.
12. That’s not what he was hoping for.
My wife has muttered in her sleep before. Nothing very intelligible. But one night about a year ago I came in after she was already asleep, and started getting undressed.
“Hi honey!” she says in the cheeriest, most awake voice you can imagine. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t faintly hoped, at this point, that I might be about to get lucky.
“Hi? What are you still doing awake? It’s after midnight.”
No answer. I put on my pajamas.
“Honey?” she says, as if to get my attention.
“You’re gonna burn…”
I slept with one eye open that night. She did not remember in the morning.
11. She’s definitely hosting a demon or an alien.
My wife speaks in a different language in her sleep. A completely formed language, with repeating words, clear articulation, sentence formation and proper cadence – but not of this world.
She says that her parents told her she’s been doing this since she learned to talk. She even responds to questions in her sleep… in the other language.
10. I assume you’ve asked what he’s dreaming about…
He sometimes makes sounds like The Predator in his sleep.
It is not a good sound to wake up to. I wake up in terror every single time, and he’s still out cold, clicking and drooling away.
9. This is more cute than creepy.
My wife occasionally tries to make visual contact with my butthole. She’s never made any kind of sexual advance in that sense. Just every once in a while I’ll catch her sneaking up on me when I’m naked or changing with this goofy look on her face.
I’m sure she only does this because I act super self-conscious of my butt area. Usually I’ll notice her and run away giggling.
She’s yet to be able to confirm visually whether or not I actually have a butthole, which I guess means I’m winning.
8. We always speak the truth when we’re asleep.
I woke up around 3AM after having a nightmare about a ghost. I woke my SO for comfort, but he turned to me and said, totally serious, “there are no such things as ghosts, just giant mothmen that take you away while you’re sleeping.”
He remembered nothing the next morning.
7. I can’t believe he didn’t run away screaming.
My wife occasionally talks in her sleep. About a month into dating her, I was woken up by her telling me that sometimes she likes to ‘take d%*ks and snap them like this’ complete with a motion not too dissimilar to breaking a pencil in half.
Thankfully, my d%*k remains unsnapped to this day.
6. I mean tying knots is a useful skill to have?
I was asleep one night many moons ago when I woke up to find my wife laying next to me with thick rope she had bought from the hardware store teaching herself how to tie the perfect noose……….for Halloween decorations…….in September…… at 3am.
A few years later and I’m still alive…so I have that going for me.
Edit: I forgot to add that her perfect noose ended up hanging from a tree branch overlooking our driveway. My constant reminder leaving and coming home from work that I’m living with an assassin.
5. There might be something wrong with him.
My husband found an app for our pc webcam that allowed him to stream to an ancient flip phone of his. He proceeded to compliment my shirt, ask me why I changed, how my sandwich tasted…it went on for hours. I started freaking out and thought someone stole his phone and was watching me.
I’d try to call him and he’d refuse to answer the call, or he would pick it up and breathe heavily. It wasn’t until I was on the verge of tears that he decided to call me and explain.
I could have killed the man.
4. Sometimes you just get a wild hair.
One night my spouse got up to get water just as I was starting to fall asleep. When she came back in the room she crawled around the bed to my side, and licked my hand, which was dangling over the edge of the bed.
I woke up thinking a dog was in the room, saw her crouching down there and jumped out of the bed. I couldn’t even speak for a minute because of how much it scared me, and she just rolled around on the floor laughing hysterically.
3. She’s married to a cat.
My hair is kind of long and when I brush it, it creates hairballs. I normally just throw them away ASAP but one time I was running late and just left it in the brush.
When I got home, my SO was playing with it. I came over to grab it and he refused saying he felt sad throwing it in the trash as it was my hair. He kept it for a few days before he forgot about it so I threw it out.
2. This one takes the cake.
My girlfriend is incredibly talkative in her sleep. She usually says funny sh^t like “tell that jalapeño to put some pants on!” But sometimes the stuff she does gets pretty creepy.
One time I was on my iPad and she started laughing in this really thin, stiff, creepy horror movie kind of way and then jolted up (still fully asleep).
She proceeded to look around the room pointing and laughing at things in the same creepy way. I could see her actually moving her head seeing something new each time. Then I asked her (since she is very awake in a lucid dream state) what she is laughing at…she says “all the little kids in the room are laughing at me.”
Typing it out it doesn’t sound that creepy but I was so freaked out I jumped up and bolted to turn on the lights. Didn’t sleep that well that night.
1. That’s one reason he does it, anyway.
Sometimes when I shower I open my eyes to find my husband peeking through the shower curtain staring at me.
Always creeps me out, but I think that is why he does it.
Woof. I’m going to have to watch my staring problem so I don’t end up on a list like this.
Have your or your spouse ever totally creeped each other out on accident? Tell us the story in the comments!