Everybody’s got some horror story about trying to order something online. Ask me about the time I tried to buy a Switch game on eBay and watch my head explode. Yikes!
Amazon, with all of its brutal efficiency, is usually pretty reliable, but occasionally, something hilarious happens, like this sordid tale of a man who just wanted boxes, but kept getting granola.
The Prologue
Wherein our hero sets about his journey and doesn’t know what awaits him in the wilds of Amazon…
1. Three weeks ago, I ordered a box of boxes from @PkgWholesalers, via @amazonca. Specifically, I ordered a package of 25 boxes, each 6x9x6: https://t.co/My0zSBmYyD
— dave meslin, KC (@meslin) February 7, 2020
Chapter 1: Mistakes Happen
Wherein our hero receives a bounty of grain and cacao and sugar and… probiotics?
3. I was frustrated, but mistakes happen. So I went onto @amazonca and saw that I could send the package back, for free! I clicked on the "wrong item shipped" button, and asked them to re-ship the correct item.
— dave meslin, KC (@meslin) February 7, 2020
Chapter 2: Old Habits
Wherein our hero gets another bounty of the same shit.
5. I shipped it back, cancelled the order and asked for a refund. Then I re-ordered the item, starting afresh. I figured it was a one-off glitch, and a new order would be fine. …. right?
— dave meslin, KC (@meslin) February 7, 2020
Chapter 3: A New Challenger Has Arrived
Wherein our hero gets something completely fucking different and I’m so confused right now.
What is happening?!?!
7. I returned the item and, for reasons I can't fathom, instead of asking for a refund I again asked @amazonca to send me the correct order. Yesterday, I got another box of granola.
— dave meslin, KC (@meslin) February 7, 2020
Chapter 4: Revelation
Wherein our hero discovers the truth! And it’s surprisingly wholesome.
9. So each time I was getting the wrong order, I was also getting ONE correct box. So now I'm thinking I should just order 25 packages of 25 boxes, ship the sea salt granola back to @amazonca in plastic bags – and just keep all the boxes. For free.
— dave meslin, KC (@meslin) February 7, 2020
Chapter 5: Resolution
Wherein our hero communes with the gods of Amazon and from here on all will be right with the world.
11. I responded, with honesty: "The error has been fixed? It wasn't fixed the first three times.. so I'm skeptical!" @amazonca responded: "You will get the correct item. I do not want any more hassles for you. Please do not worry. " So I re-ordered the @PkgWholesalers boxes…
— dave meslin, KC (@meslin) February 9, 2020
Chapter 6: Betrayal
WHAT THE FUCK AMAZON!?!?
13. I've now received a total of 12 bags of granola + 4 Harry Potter coasters. I've reached out to @PkgWholesalers, but they brushed me off. I think I'm gonna take @m_layton's advice and just go to a damn store. You know, a physical place, with things in it. Things you can see.
— dave meslin, KC (@meslin) February 9, 2020
When the internet has so thoroughly broken you that you forget stores exist, it’s time to go outside.
Or, at least go to a store. Like the UPS Store or FedEx Office? They’ve got plenty of boxes. Target. Walmart. You know, all those places that have NOTHING to do with Jeff Bezos.
But that’s his story. What’s your online shopping horror story? Tell us in the comments, fam! We’re dying to hear all about it!
#truth