My favorite musical artist of all time Ben Folds has a song called Song For the Dumped that has embedded itself into my consciousness. It starts rather intense with these lyrics:
So you wanted
To take a break
Slow it down some and
Have some space
Well f*ck you tooGive me my money back
Give me my money back
You b*tch
I want my money back
And don’t forget
To give me back my black t-shirt
Looking at those lyrics now I’d…say they maybe haven’t aged perfectly since 1996, though I think the song was always meant to express more of a tongue-in-cheek irrational anger from the perspective of the dumped, rather than any sort of realistic treatise on the way relationships ought to work.
In any case, that’s what’s been running through my head as I read these “disappointment letters” guys wrote to their exes on the Instagram account @tothegirlsivedated.
10. What a mess
Are you really gonna play that card right now?
9. Park it
In what way is that even considered a date?
8. What a twist
Sounds like you’re not sure what you want there Charlene.
7. A Depp dive
That’s some serious 13 year old energy.
6. Make it up
You could maybe try to hide it just a little more convincingly than that.
5. The one
Is this a relationship or some kind of mob protection racket?
4. I’m the bald guy
I can see myself in the reflection on your head, though.
3. Sweet Caroline
This was Taylor made to make me mad.
2. A long drive
Bet that was some next-level awkward silence.
1. All the time in the world
These are painful things to realize too late.
Good luck to all the dumped out there. It’ll get better.
If you were going to write a letter to your ex, what would it be about?
Tell us in the comments.