There are few things worse than getting stuck in a loop of feeling down on yourself.
The worse you feel about you, the more you give up, which makes you feel even worse, and the cycle just goes on and on.
So how do we break out? Is there even a way?
Let’s see what some of the people of Reddit had to say.
1. “Confidence is the key.”
I was bullied as a kid and I realized that had far reaching effects into my adulthood causing feelings of unworthiness and that the bottom of the social ladder was where I belonged. I let people walk all over me and My self esteem / confidence in myself spiralled lower and lower.
It took many years and experiences to change this mindset, but brief moments where I took control and was put in situations that required assertiveness slowly trained my mind and gave me more confidence.
Confidence is the key and I can say one of the main contributors for me at least to overcoming this was looking the part. I exercised, got in shape, read magazines for fashion tips to dress better and generally cleaned myself up and it did wonders.
This made Others place more confidence in me and in turn your confidence in yourself grows. And it sort of clicks and you realize that you’re not stuck where you are. You are in control. You need to feel confident to be confident. You shouldn’t live your life based on external validation but it does help and sometimes is the impetus you need to get your head out of your *ss.
I was always instilled with values as a kid about not being shallow to look past the superficial and while these are all good values I found this to be half The lesson. unfortunately we live in a superficial world But nothing says you can’t look good and not be superficial at the same time.
– WildBuns1234
2. “Nope.”
Nope. It’s been a problem that’s stuck with me for my entire life, and informs practically every decision I make. I can’t walk into a room of other people without automatically assuming that I’m the worst person in the room, and none of my ideas matter to anyone. Depression, anxiety, and a lifetime of being treated like you’re a nuisance to others will do that to you. I’m just always afraid of bothering people. How could someone as lowly and worthless as I even think to intrude on somebody else?
In recent years, I’ve made efforts to be more assertive, but it’s really all just a bunch of false bravado in the face of the crippling anxiety I feel while doing it. There is no genuine confidence. I’m not even certain that I’m capable of manifesting such a thing, and I’m very afraid that I will just remain this way for the rest of my life.
– CurseOfMyth
3. “Now I can do things.”
When i was really depressed, i started to make a daily list of really simple stuff that I often didn’t do, like wake up without snoozing, brushing my teeth in the morning, performing a bedtime ritual. I even had something as simple as “drink water” when i first started my list.
I kept adding more stuff to the list until I could do progressively harder things, and now I can do things that were harder for me than before I had depression. It was a gradual change that made me realize how up until that point in my life, I had never actually exerted personal power to change my life.
Every major change had happened as a result of my environment, and this epiphany led me to take personal responsibility over everything in my life, even things that were pretty much out of my control. Although you can’t control getting rejected from jobs or girls/boys, you can control how you respond to these situations. This is how I gained greater self-esteem.
– Iron_to_Gold
4. “I have definitely improved.”
I cut out the piece of sh*t who made me feel that way.
Can’t exactly say I’m a confident person but I have definitely improved.
– LouTenant6767
5. “Thanks, brain.”
I had terrible self esteem issues most of my life, which most of it probably stemmed from stupid depression. Thanks, brain. Appreciate you.
I was allowing terrible people into my life because someone is better than no one, right? I was r*ped at one point and started to spiral down a REALLY bad path of sleeping around, drinking in excess, just hating myself and the police and hospitals. It was just a bad few years. I had a “friend” who later turned out to be so bad to have around and I finally left the friendship after five years.
I then started to work on myself. I wanted to be better. I wanted to FEEL happiness. I started going to kickboxing classes, I started exercising, I was eating better, I stopped drinking all the time, stopped having sex. I lost almost 90 pounds at one point and was actually in love with MYSELF.
I was in my 30’s when I finally got there, but I got there. I think most people just finally get to the point of realization, almost an epiphany and things just…get better. I started to realize I live my life for me, not for others and I only allow good people into my life.
– ApostropheJ
6. “Doesn’t make the process easier.”
I’ve been trying, but sometimes it feels like everyone else wants to kick you while you’re down and remind you constantly that you’re just a worthless *sshole.
Doesn’t make the process easier.
– Squishys_Girl
7. “I gradually started appreciating.”
It took a long time and a lot of sources contributed to it, but I gradually started appreciating all my little quirks instead of hating them.
Examples: I used to hate the way my voice sounded, but I started watching Pewdiepie and thought that he has a unique voice but millions of fans, so I appreciated my unique voice.
I hated seeing myself in photos/having my photo taken, but Ethan Klein from H3H3prductions said something along the lines of when someone looks at a picture of you they just see you and think “oh! a person I know,” not hateful thoughts.
– takenbysleep7
8. “Unconditional love.”
I helped my gf overcome her most severe self-esteem issues with years of unconditional love and support.
When she gained enough stability and trust she exposed herself to social situations she formerly avoided until she overwrote her traumatic teenage experiences with good ones…
– Affolektric
9. “Growin up.”
I did. It was a combination of growing up, achieving things that made me realize my abilities, getting out in the world more, and comparing what I’d accomplished with the accomplishments of others.
– Eff-Bee-Exx
10. “Keep these words in mind.”
Keep these words in mind. You are the product of natural selection by all your ancestors. Never compare yourself to others, because you are a completely unique individual.
If you compare, you will despair because of course there a people who are better at you in something,but if you think in the positive, you are good if not great at some things.
– SnooGoats9764
11. “I had a lot to offer the world.”
I dated a girl who made me realize that I had a lot to offer to the world and that the self-hatred that I struggled with was a product of Asian parents and bullying.
We ended up breaking up because she realized she’s gay, but we’re still good friends.
– CptS2T
12. “Being kinder to myself.”
I still struggle with “imposter syndrome” but in college I had severe depression and very low self-esteem.
My therapist back then helped me understand that I was engaging in a lot of negative self-talk, so my low self-esteem was purely because I was telling myself I wasn’t good enough.
I also told my counselor that I wanted to work with kids and he said “You would never say these things to children, so why do you say this to yourself?”
Seems silly writing it out, but honestly that helped me so much in changing my mindset and being kinder to myself!
– Mitziferret
13. “The reason partially disappeared.”
It has been different things and I surely don’t know every one of them. A big one for me was that the reason partially disappeared.
People used to not listen to me or stop listening out of nowhere or when someone interrupted me. Including my parents.
That changed in school after changing class. While talking, I was thinking to myself why people listen to me because I thought of myself as worthless.
Then I realized that I’m not. But I also noticed that others knew it and still made me feel that way by how they’ve treated me which caused frustration that I still haven’t worked through.
– Unbreakeable
14. “I just started caring less.”
I don’t think I overcame it as much as I just started caring less.
I hit my 30’s and just cared a lot less of what people thought of me and had less of a need to seek approval or validation from others
– goodforpinky
15. “Seek therapy.”
Hi, I don’t really have an answer to this question, BUT if your self esteem is severely low and you feel like it’s affecting your life negatively then you should perhaps seek therapy.
A lot of self esteem issues stems from specific moments in your life and it could be good to have someone to talk to about this.
I am going to do this soon, and I think that you should consider it if you have this problem.
– Agrochain920
If you’re stuck in this loop, just remember above all: you don’t have to be. And anyone who tells you otherwise, even if it’s you, is lying.
What do you think of this topic?
Tell us in the comments.