A quick search on Amazon tells me that there are at least 100,000 books available on the subject of relationship advice. I could use some, but I don’t have that kind of time or money, so maybe I’ll just skim this thread that I found on r/AskReddit:
What are some harsh truths about love and attraction?
byu/potatoknight15 inAskReddit
Of course, we as a species have so many thoughts on this that even a single Reddit thread has thousands of entries, so let’s take a sampling of just a few of the top insights, and we’ll see if we can glean any wisdom from the love-struck opinions of Redditors.
1. No refunds, no returns.
just because you love someone, there’s absolutely no guarantee they’ll ever love you back
– Senepicmar
2. Love is a verb.
Love is a choice you make every day. Don’t follow the butterflies, those will come and go.
Find someone who you think will make a dependable and honest partner.
Oh, and if you see crazy coming, CROSS THE STREET. I don’t care how hot they are or how good the sex is.
I am saving you heartache, listen to me and learn from my pain.
And I don’t care who you are: you KNOW when someone is not good for you. Listen to your gut.
– FudgySlippersv
3. You cannot be without a doubt.
You’ll always have doubts, it’s inevitable.
– ZeoDaiko
4. Hope for better, prepare for the worst.
“For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness or in health” never happens how you planned life.
Love is a daily decision to make your relationship more important than all the things that suck about life.
– postedByDan
5. You’re not immutable.
Your partner isnt obligated to find you “sexy” by default just because you are with them.
You could become a lazy fat slob,
Smelly
Change your hair style
Anything
they could still love you, but be turned off physically by you.
– 9point9five
6. Being loved is not loving.
The saddest thing in a relationship (that isn’t outwardly awful/abusive) is when someone dates another person because that person likes them.
It’s like telling yourself that you aren’t good enough, so let’s settle for this person.
I’ve seen a lot of ruined friendships because one person mistook the attraction of being loved with actually being in love.
– hello_i_am_M
7. There’s more to life.
For a lot of people, love isn’t enough and attraction is necessary.
– Ms-Charlie
8. Don’t go chasing waterfalls.
Never never NEVER chase after someone. If they don’t actively like and show interest in you, you cannot make them.
No scheme, strategy or gesture will make them want you and you cannot change yourself to make them want you.
Fortunately you really, truly don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t like you just the way you are.
Unfortunately this truth is impossible to believe or fully understand until you have met someone who likes you just the way you are, and that’s how dating apps, expensive clothing brands, diet companies, and beauty supply stores stay in business.
– BeckyBraunstein
9. An extended metaphor:
Love may well be the port you’re trying to dock in, but attraction is more likely to be a siren’s song than a lighthouse.
And like most sailors, you’re probably too desperate and a little stupid to tell the difference.
– Zeruvi
10. If there’s only one person for you out there, you’re kinda screwed.
There will be inner doubts about your choice of partner.
Despite the fact that you love him/her. Sometimes you think…could I have done better?
…
Thing is… the answer is statistically “yes”. Yes you could have.
But there are 7 billion people out there, and time is limited, so you probably wouldn’t have.
And that’s okay too.
– AnneofDorne / Nervous_Service
11. Some folks are the ultimate pessimists.
Best case scenario, you both die at exactly the same time.
Normal scenario: one of you dies first, leaving the other alone and heatbroken.
Worst case scenario: you split, leaving one or both of you heartbroken.
It’s a classic lose lose lose situation.
– coordinatedflight
12. Love and attraction don’t always go together.
You might fall in love with a person that you are not attracted to.
You might forgive a thousand short-comings of a person you are attracted to.
Both suck and both are great for their own reasons.
Throw in age, or where you’re at in life, and both are going to suck eventually.
– Stabfacenotback
13. All things end.
Just because both partners love each other, it does not mean the relationship will last.
– Cheetodude625
14. Don’t rely on hotness.
Love and lust are two very different things.
Lust will always fizzle out eventually.
You better have something to fill the gap or your relationship is doomed.
– mrs__whatsit
15. And finally, the wisest words of all…
“Orgies are not too much fun if no one wants to do it with you.” – Dr. Steve Bruhl
– kernel-troutman
I don’t know if I agree with 100% of that, but much of it certainly rings true. Relationships are tough. All we can do is be kind, be honest, and try to keep our wits about us.
What would you add to this list?
Tell us in the comments.