Everybody’s got at least one hilarious story up their sleeve to pull out at parties or liven up a dinner conversation, or even just to retell your friends for the millionth time because it always makes you laugh. Now, thanks to Reddit user MangoBomb, we have a collection of nearly a thousand such stories.
It all started with this post on r/AskReddit:
After that tale of unintentional literary criticism, lots of others chimed in as well.
Here are some of the best ones, with titles we found fitting.
1. It’s The Little Things
I am frequently asked to retell this story:
My friends and I were at a bar and a cover band was playing. The lead singer was being obnoxious. He was hitting on all the women in the audience in a very lewd manner, and he was being far too pretentious for being in a cover band. It was making everyone uncomfortable and annoyed.
At one point during the show he says, “I would like someone special to take the microphone and say a few words.” He then lowered the microphone stand so that the microphone was right where his crotch was. I don’t know how he had originally planned this segment to pan out, but before he could say anything,
I yelled in a high pitched voice, “I’M SO TINY!” The singer was stunned. The audience laughed and cheered. Clearly flustered, he awkwardly raised the stand again and went into the next song. I don’t think I’ll ever have that good of a comeback again.
– 0x4A6F686E
2. The Pepsi Generation
Probably the time I threw up in my sister’s eye. I had just chugged a Pepsi and my sister was lying down on her bed. With a glint of evil in my eyes, I leaned over, getting ready to let out the largest belch that was stirring in me. She looks up at me and I get ready to release this horrid belch on her face.
Instead of a belch, I threw up bile and Pepsi in her eye. She ran to the bathroom screaming “YOU THREW UP IN MY EYE. OH MY GOD IT BURNS!” I was laughing so hard I ended up throwing up on myself. That was 10 years ago and we both can’t tell this story without laughing about it.
– PringleTits
3. Black and Blue
Easily my most requested story is the time I broke my toe during sex.
So this was several years ago, a little back story first. Im generally not ticklish at all except for a single spot on my back, its a cluster of nerves or something that, when poked, makes me freak the fuck out and usually makes a leg kick out. Anyway, while going at it on this couch at my place she unintentionally grips my back right on the sensative spot. My leg straightens right into this pillar off to the side of the couch and I clip the edge with my pinky toe with a gross crack.
Now I was young and she was hot so i didnt pay much mind to it until 30 seconds after when i glance at my foot and see the toe bent 90 degrees off to the side and turning this gross shade of blue, the same shade as my balls after having to stop and drive to the hospital
– AcneZebra
4. Don’t Carrot All
My friends always request The Carrot Story, which goes a little something like this: There’s nothing worse than getting off of a midnight shift at the busiest gas station in Florida and coming home to your male roommate drunk, naked, in front of the computer, with freshly shaved legs, looking at a picture of a woman sucking a pony’s dick, and then hearing him say “Bunny, I have a carrot up my ass,” as if he expected you to do something about it.
– BunnyDeville
5. Stranger in the Dark
This was back in college. A few of my friends threw a party at their house, we were all drinking and having a grand time. I meet an attractive looking man and later that night when everyone had gone to bed (we were in the living room) we started hooking up.
In the middle of my shirt coming off the lights go on and i hear my friend Tyson say “what the fuck”. I look behind me to apologize but he’s not looking at me. In a chair to my right my friend Richard is sitting in it staring at me and the guy hooking up with a glass of whiskey in his hand and only in his boxers.
He looks me directly in the eyes and says “please, don’t stop.” I have so many stories about my friend Richard.
– Slow_Like_Sloth
6. Nobody Likes Chicken
I went to Tahoe with some friends and ended up gambling at the blackjack tables. At one table, there were two guys sitting next to us that were completely wasted and being hilarious. One of the guys gets 21 and stands up and yells at the top of his lungs “WINNER WINNER APPLE PIE!”
I look at the guy and say “What the fuck? I thought it was chicken dinner?” and he replies “nobody fuckin’ likes chicken, and everybody loves apple pie.”
i’ve been saying that phrase ever since.
– strohmbad
7. Duck Tales
I was at a dilapidated house in the middle of nowhere while working for a public utility company. The elderly gentleman who lived there came out and started chatting me up. He told me he was about to build an underground prison on his property, but instead of iron bars they would be lasers. “I’d like to see those Sunnuva Bitches get out now.”, he said.
I was entertained enough to ask who he was going to have build it for him. He was caught off guard for a moment and then made a noise like he was maybe hocking a loogie or something.
“Who?” “Donald Duck.”
– 123nogo
8. The Stink Drink
Well this isn’t a widely requested story but every christmas it usually gets retold and everyone has a laugh. My Uncle had been drinking Jack Daniels all day one christmas and he started to complain that his current drink tasted funny. He said that it tasted “soapy” so he started telling my mom that she probably hadn’t rinsed the glass out well enough and there was left over soap in it.
Now of course we’re not the type of family that wastes good Jack Daniels so he keeps drinking all the while telling my mom off about how she should rinse the dishes better. He finally finishes his drink and there sitting in the bottom is a stink bug! With arms and legs missing, so he must have swallowed bits and pieces of the stink bug.
He was so grossed out and his reaction was priceless. So now every time he has a drink everyone tells him to check for stink bugs.
– drink_the_kool_aid
9. Life Imitates Art
A few years ago my car got stolen out of my driveway in the middle of the day while I was home, and I didn’t hear the thieves taking it because I was playing Grand Theft Auto with the sound up.
– showboats
10. I Get High
My friends always ask me how I got the scar on my lip.I had inhaled all the helium from my little sisters Mickey Mouse balloon and passed out.
– Dando1737
11. Routine Stops
My best friend likes for me to tell everyone about the time I was pulled over by a cop. I pulled over and he tapped on my window. He asked me if I knew why I was being pulled over and I said “it’s because I’m black isn’t it?” The cop was a black man, and I am a glow in the dark white girl. The cop got a kick out of it and I was left off with a warning.
She just likes me telling stories of what I say to cops in general when I get pulled over (I’m a speeder). There was another time I was driving my boyfriend’s car and I got pulled over because of the window tint. (wasn’t even speeding in this case!!!) Anyhow, the cop said that the tint was too dark and I told him it was prescription.
– Pixie79
12. Bad Reception
A few buddies of mine as well as myself went south to the beach right after graduation. It was a week of drinking and hanging out. One might we’re walking on the beach drunk and run into this mother and daughter. We get to talking, find out they’re down for her wedding and they actually invited us to the wedding and reception. We declined saying we had stuff going on or something. I don’t know I was drunk.
Then a few nights later we get to drinking again in our room and start peeing off our beachfront balcony for no reason. After about an hour we looked down and saw we were pissing on this girls wedding reception all night.
– ShutDownSchinDig
13. Having a Ball
Probably the one where we stole a civil war cannon, dragged it to the top of a frat house and fired a ball of solid rocket fuel out of it at midnight. Needless to say, it made the student newspaper, the local news and the local paper. We were all so terrified about the impending legal actions, none of us ever said anything about it.
To this day, the entire city has no idea what caused what must have seemed like a large sonic boom, in the middle of the night.
The funny part was how we got it on the roof, how my friend who was a graduate chemistry student made the rocket fuel and the panic in the eyes of everybody when that thing was fired.
– platinumgulls
14. Stare Well
I was at a friends house and we were not supposed to be there. About 5 of us. Well, his dad comes home unexpectedly, so we all hide under the stairwell in the house. Our friend and his dad begin talking and then arguing about who knows what (surprisingly, a single dad and teenager argued a lot) and all of a sudden in our attempt to be as quiet as possible we hear “But, c’mon Dad!”… to which his dad replies, “C’mon my ass!”
All of us under the steps are dying in laughter now, but the kind of laughter that is so muffled it just sounds like excited dolphins, whispering to each other. It is still one of the funniest stories I can remember.
– SeriouslyMental
15. Location, Location, Location
I have a Harry Potter looking scar on my forehead. I managed to get it while spinning in circles in a doctors office. When my mom told me to stop, I was so disoriented, I tripped over myself and smashed my head into the corner of the wall in the office. Luckily, the hospital was right next door and I only required a few stitches to patch it up.
– AJBURNSRED
There are so many more, many of which are a lot longer, so if you’ve got some time to kill, check out the full thread on Reddit.
What’s your funniest/most requested story?
Tell us in the comments.