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Reddit Wants to Replace Everything With Mayo

Source: danfay222 on Reddit

Yanno, sometimes when I’m surfing around Ask Reddit, I’ll come across poignant inquiries into real social issues that make me think twice about everything.

And then there’s this stuff:

Agents of chaos, do your thing.

1. Silicon

This hits weirdly close to home for me. For a long time my friends and I have measured steam games in “sandwich sterling”.

Which is how many sandwiches you could have bought with the same money. We use it as a comparison of enjoyment. Would I have rather bought two sandwiches and enjoyed them or this one game and enjoyed it? That kind of thing.

Anyway, this would make that literal which made me smile.

– shortieXV

2. Gasoline

No plastic, tires, shingles, no transportation, literally f**k everything over.

– 44Skull44

3. Hydrogen

I.. uh… You ended earth dude

– DarkestPassenger

4. Concrete

There would be a tremendous GLOSH and many people would immediately drown and get banged around by building materials and furniture in the gloppy mayo madness.

– OrgeGeorwell

5. Sperm from a sperm bank

Finally! People won’t give me dirty looks when I walk into a sperm bank with a loaf of bread and ham.

– yukonhoneybadger

6. Shower water

I like it – a bunch of scientists are going to embark on a quest to figure out why it’s just shower water that transforms.

Is it mayo in the pipes? It does it transform in the shower head? What about garden hoses held above your head in a shower-like fashion?

– ljr55555

7. Currency

In that case, I’m in possession of a lot of counterfeit

– osurwport

8. Instruments

No Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument

– Pheonyxxx696

9. Nitrogen or gold

Gold would make lots of rich people mad, nitrogen would just kill us all

– LordOfTheCats64

10. Ketchup

Utah has this incredible thing called fry sauce that is one part mayo, one part ketchup, and then some spices. We eat that s**t on everything.

You would single handedly destroy our entire culture. I promise.

There is no fry sauce anymore. Just seasoned ketchup. Our state would go into immediate lockdown until science could explain what happened.

– real_donald_pump

11. Gorilla Glue

That tic-tock lady’s hair would be soo moisturized.

– SinisterStrat

12. Glass

Pedestrians on city sidewalks would be blessed by mayo descending from the heavens and every car would be a Jeep

– sW0NT0N

13. Egg free Mayo

The vegans must now stop eating mayo

– TimeToF**kPigeons

14. Thermal paste

Computers everywhere experience overheating and/or come grinding to a screeching halt.

These days I bet that’s the most chaos per volume of replaced substance.

– InsidiousTroll

15. Sand

Every window, screen and windshield turned to Mayo in an instant.

Almost all electronics become unusable, concrete buildings falling to the ground, and the beaches, oh god the beaches.

Let alone the mayhem under the sea! It’s perfect!

– Titan7856

16. Clothing

roses are red, violets are blue, i’ve turned clothing into mayonnaise, just to mess with you 🙂

– VixieFoxMC

17. The electron

Mayo contains electrons.

Mayo-ception.

– Morphized

18. Coffee

All liquid coffee is now coffee-flavoured mayo.

– JudgeJudyApproved

19. Diamonds

And set construction work back by a few hundred years.

– DoctorVanSolem

20. Plutonium 239

Would cause a massive international crisis..

– VY_Cannabis_Majoris

21. Money

Watch every government fall overnight, all hail the mayo lord.

– Brudy123

22. Sand (again)

Mayo beaches

Mayo volleyball courts

Children playing in Mayo boxes

But mainly, Mayo in all concrete- that’s a lot of chaos!

Bonus for Reddit: Pocket Mayo.

– MudIsland

23. Carbon

The whole planet would collapse under your feet and your body would turn to mayo

– Advance-Vegetable

24. Water

All water on earth is now mayo.

So now it rains mayo, we have mayo oceans, and we die because our body is mostly water.

Therefore, we would be mayo.

– Coolscee_Gaming

25. Granite

Imagine you are just chilling but the the floor gives way to a crust that has been mayo-ed

– I_Am_Shotgun273

26. Vanilla icing

Society would collapse within minutes

– lildanta

27. Concrete

There would be a tremendous GLOSH and many people would immediately drown and get banged around by building materials and furniture in the gloppy mayo madness.

– OrgeGeorwell

28. Soap

I’m gunna puke just thinking of that.

Everything everywhere would be so f**king greasy

– Aliencj

29. Water (Again)

Imagine the snow, or Antarctica.

The inuits would live inside mayo.

– xxgiiinaaxx

30. Mayo itself

Probably mayo, especially if everyone is anticipating the change.

The change would have happened, but no one would notice, so every time anyone opens anything they have to low-key expect mayo.

Paranoia will reign supreme as I watch the world spiral into chaos.

– SorrowAndSuffering

31. Vanilla icing

Society would collapse within minutes

– lildanta

32. Concrete

There would be a tremendous GLOSH and many people would immediately drown and get banged around by building materials and furniture in the gloppy mayo madness.

– OrgeGeorwell

33. Soap

I’m gunna puke just thinking of that. Everything everywhere would be so f**king greasy

– Aliencj

34. Water

Imagine the snow, or Antarctica, the inuits would live inside mayo

– xxgiiinaaxx

35. Blood

But only the blood that is outside of a body.

So, as soon as it leaves the body, it’s suddenly mayo. Imagine frantic scientists and doctors trying to explain that and ensuing panic of most people.

Then, cannibalism.

– Cyanide_Kitty_101

36. Magic spells

Somewhat unrelated, but dungeons and dragons has a magic item that can spawn various liquids.

Things like oil and acid, but for some inexplicable reason – Mayo.

I really want to hear the tales of all the heroes that saved the day with their never ending supply of Mayo.

– coniferous-1

37. Body hair

All that peach fuzz just a thin layer of mayo slime.

Now would it be there permanently or could you wipe it off? Or would it ‘regrow’ in place of hairs

– pangeanpterodactyl

38. The sun

The mass will be there, and assuming this replacement doesn’t get rid of all the stored thermal energy you’ll have enough energy to at least support hydrogen fusion in the core, however mayo consists of a lot of organic compounds.

These compounds would quickly break up in the core, and the hydrogen would likely able to fuse, but the carbon, oxygen, and nitrogen will all be inert.

This will significantly shorten the stars lifespan, as this extremely large core of inert materials will form a dead core and push the star into its dying phases.

– danfay222

39. The Earth’s core

I really wonder what would happen if this actually happened.

All that mayo is just going disintegrate from the rest of the mantle and heat, leaving a large cavity of the earth empty.

Would the entire world collapse because of mayo?

– LukeTheDieHardLeafer

40. Holy water

Priests just slinging mayo in the face of patrons would be hilarious.

Totally South Park worthy.

– Derick_Ruhl

41. Poop

I feel like someone’s already running the beta on this now with Birds.

– Wallstreet_Remora

42. Milk

no more baked things or chocolate or ice cream… There would be riots immediately.

– 24-Hour-Hate

43. Hard drugs

Dude, I need my fix of Hellmans, where is it?

– UnsorryCanadian

44. Tabacco

Mmmm, white creamy crap in your cigarette will help me and millions of others quit.

– SewerSleuth74

45. Pizza sauce

This might be the most delicious answer yet!

– MikeMazook

46. Steel

A ton of skyscrapers and other buildings would just fall down

– PostHereIsMadeOfPost

47. My ex girlfriend

It wouldn’t cause chaos, but I will gladly miss the point of this thread if it means that I can turn that bitch into mayonnaise

– Foreign_Crazy3582

48. Ketchup

Now you don’t know what the h**l to do, do you?

Fries with mayo and mayo?

– poncicle

49. Mayonnaise jars

It wouldn’t probably create lots of mayhem but the thought of it is slightly funny to me.

– Blightborne_

50. Marshmallow puff

Hear me out, only transform the inside of the Marshmallow to Mayo.

A bit more of a surprise for people

– EpicIzAwesom

51. All ink used to make the letter E

It would at least throw English-speaking countries into confusion, and create conspiracy theories and cults for decades to come.

– Exia_Gundam00

52. Every radioactive substance in Chernobyl

Maybe the radiation will go down much faster there 2.

For a hot minute, people will think some dude just n**ted all over the place

– michae1031

53. The US Presidents

Why stop there, turn all politicians to mayo

– LieutenantSteel

54. Clothing fabric

Imagine everyone walking around doin’ their thing and BAM!

Everyone’s naked and covered in mayo.

It would be…. interesting..

– Early_Context9118

55. Gorilla Glue

That tic-tock lady’s hair would be soo moisturized.

– SinisterStrat

56. Glass

Pedestrians on city sidewalks would be blessed by mayo descending from the heavens and every car would be a Jeep

– sW0NT0N

57. Egg free Mayo

The vegans must now stop eating mayo

– TimeToF**kPigeons

58. Thermal paste

Computers everywhere experience overheating and/or come grinding to a screeching halt.

These days I bet that’s the most chaos per volume of replaced substance.

– InsidiousTroll

59. Sand

Every window, screen and windshield turned to Mayo in an instant.

Almost all electronics become unusable, concrete buildings falling to the ground, and the beaches, oh god the beaches.

Let alone the mayhem under the sea! It’s perfect!

– Titan7856

60. Miracle Whip

FINALLY my dad will stop putting that s**t on his hot dogs

– dekuscrubber

Alright, that’s enough internet for today.

What would you choose, and why?

Be weird about it in the comments.