Ah, dating. It can be thrilling and exciting, but more often, it’s disappointing (and sometimes downright weird).
If you ask me, these guys should be counting their blessings, because knowing for sure on the first date that you never want to see this person again is kind of a good thing – there’s nothing more precious than time, after all!
15. Isn’t that what dates are for?
If I ask you a question or try to talk, please reciprocate. I hate that I feel like I’m supposed to use up an arsenal of questions that will only get a brief response in return.
14. What, that bothers you?
Claimed that she was seeing other guys just to use them for free drinks, their pool, their car was nice, etc. noped out real quick.
13. People, man. You never know what they’re going to say?
She chewed gum through our initial date, which was at a decent Italian place including a bottle of good white wine. And she proceeded to tell me how she had married early, had two kids (girls), realized she was a lesbian, left her husband and took most of his money, lived with girlfriend #1, left girlfriend #1 for #2, ended that and then realized that “long term, she needed a d%ck.”
I noped the f*ck out of there so fast . . .
12. No worries for whom?
Pregnant, but no worries…the father is locked up.
11. It’s nice to get a reach.
She didn’t even bring her wallet to the restaurant. I would have offered, and obviously ended up paying, but that level of presumptuousness was an immediate turn off.
10. Gold diggers beware.
She asked if I had any love interests still in existence. When I said no she didnt believe me. She told me she wanted to travel the world and see old friends (who were guys) and thought that I, as a lawyer should work and pay for her travels. She was insane. She also offered to f*ck in her car in the first five minutes of meeting. No second date for you!
9. He’s fine with the first one, though?
Met her at a hospital (I was an ER patient for a hand wound,she was a phlebotomist). Asked her out to a movie and then dinner, had a really excellent talk about comics and movies.
We were getting to know each other and flirting, it was clearly a date.
At the end when I told her I’d like to do it again she said her fiancé probably wouldn’t be cool with it a second time.
8. That would make me want to punch her.
Nurse I met on tinder.
She told me she disliked all her patients and that sometimes she would simply ignore them for long periods of time.
That’s a no from me, dawg.
7. Are there people out there who do this?!
- Suggested we go to the nicest steak house in town..
- When I assumed we would go Dutch or pay for our own, she assumed I was paying because she’s “just old fashioned”
- Asked me what my debt to income ratio was…
- Upon learning I had paid off my student loans, demanded that I paid her student loans if I wanted a second date…
I drove us to the venue, but I just drove home by myself after paying the bill.
Go f*ck yourself Erin you cheap bitch
6. Know your worth – good for you.
This one girl told me she was “giving me a chance” because a mutual friend said I was nice. She was totally out of my league and we both knew it, but she insisted on acting like it was a favor to go out to dinner with me. If she’s not actively happy about seeing me, I don’t really want to see her either.
5. That’s a strange thing to de-prioritize.
Teeth as black as the night. She didn’t have any diseases or syndromes but simply no “time” to brush her teeth.
Foe the record. Her photos didn’t show her teeth
4. WTF is a super taster?
I met a girl from my university for dinner one time and she started the date off by saying she only ate with her hands and didn’t use utensils because she’s a “super taster” and can taste the metals they’re made of. This wouldn’t have been a problem if we were eating finger foods of course, but it was a problem as I watched her eat a salmon filet and wild rice like f*cking Gollum…
Edit: she was not a Filipina or of Asian descent. According to her Facebook she is German/Italian, and I know those people use forks!
Edit 2: if y’all think eating rice with your hands is normal behavior and you wouldn’t be embarrassed in public if your date was doing so… watch this video and report back. This is a fairly accurate first person account of what I was witnessing.
3. You keep using that word…
6 years ago, I went out with a girl who called me a racist because I don’t like sushi.
2. What on earth?
First and only date with a girl I barely knew through some friends. I drove to her house, she got in my car and smelled like she had just taken a massive sh^t but forgot to wipe. Went to dinner, I barely ate. Made an excuse to end early, dropped her off and drove home with the windows down in the middle of winter.
1. Awful is one word to describe it.
I was 32, she was 25. She showed up to dinner high as a kite. Dropped the word ‘Cunt’ several times loud enough for the People around us to hear. She then got loaded during dinner, ordered an expensive plate and barely touched it. She also told me I’m stupid for still buying books, and childish for listening to music. She also insisted I had to take her out 2-3 times a week, minimum. It was also implied she’d be moving in with me in the near future(She was unemployed and living at home, which honestly, didn’t bother me. The whole jumping in to the deep end did) 20 minutes in to the date I text my friend, “Holy sh^t! Turns out she’s awful!”
Have fun out there, friends – if nothing else, I hope you have good stories to tell!