I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a woman, though for the sake of empathy I’ve certainly tried.
Once while waiting for a friend at a bar, I was accosted by an older, larger man who said stuff to me that frankly I can’t write here. I felt incredibly unsafe and was frankly mortified by the fact that people around me could see this happening and didn’t seem interested in helping at all.
That’s the sort of thing that’s happened to me, I don’t know, maybe three times ever. But for most of the women I know? It’s constant. It’s life.
The women of Reddit tell their stories, and if it’s not already obvious, you should be warned that these will be disturbing.
1. Imagine being chased for 15 years.
A guy at my university followed me around for about 15 years.
I have a unique surname.
There used to be a way for students to use pine to find out who else was logged in and where on campus. He would use that command and show up in the computer lab and sit next to me.
He looked me up in the phone book and showed up at my parents’ house.
After a restraining order, you would think it was done right?
Wrong.
I was speaking at an international conference in another country. Guess who was sitting in the front row! This was a conference for a very niche scientific field that he was definitely not part of.
A few years later, I was at an alumni event with my husband. My husband left the table to go to the washroom. Guess who sat down the second he left!
Police were called.
It’s been a few years since the last incident.
Still paranoid.
– dirtymonkeybutt
2. Work on your marketing technique.
While standing outside a bar, having a cigarette, a friend of a friend kept bugging me to go home with him.
He had tried this on multiple occasions but it wasn’t going to happen. Ever. I told him as much and his response was “Cmon. If you f**k me tonight, I promise I won’t even be racist and I’ll make you toast after”.
For context, we are both white. I guess he assume I valued anti-racist attitudes and toast? Which is true, but, weird sell, dude.
– gindiana
3. Watching, waiting.
There was a guy in my hometown that would wait outside the high-school, with the door to his corvette open, hoping a girl would get in. I lived in the middle of nowhere. To get to my house I had to walk over a mile, on a one lane dirt road, winding through a forest.
One day as the school bus was approaching my laneway to drop me off, the corvette guy was waiting in my laneway, with his door open. The bus driver wouldn’t let me off the bus; he continued to the next drop and told me to go to that house and call my parents to pick me up. (This was in the days before cell phones existed)
– Electronic_Speech563
4. “Good to know. Maybe next time.”
When I was 18, my friend and I were driving home around 3am and we stopped by a gas station to get a snack. We hop out of the car and immediately this guy nearby call out to me, saying “brunette, white jacket!”. He asks my name, I give him a fake one, and my friend and I go into the store. We decided to wait in there until he drove away but 15 minutes later he was still there.
Eventually he comes into the store, looks around for us, and approaches me. The guy looked to be around 25-30. He smelled of cigarettes and I backed up closer to my friend but he took a step forward and proceeded to ask me for my number, saying I was cute, etc. I lied and told him I was a minor, to which he respected and backed off. He then says, “Good to know. Maybe next time” and leaves.
We watch their car drive away and only leave about five minutes after we were sure he was gone. We left the store and got into the car.
As we pulled out of the parking lot, I saw his car pulled over on the side of the road. We drove past it and I watched as the car turned on and started following us. I begged my friend to take the long way home (because I didn’t want to lead him to my house and because the long way passes by a fire station that I would’ve gone to for help, had they followed us that far).
Eventually we lose sight of the car, go home, and I never saw him or the car again.
– EliseCle
5. Who, him?
The most memorable was when I was sitting in my parents’ front garden, on the swing, reading. The way everything is laid out with the trees and whatnot, you can barely see the swing/deck/BBQ area from any perspective that’s not from the front door. Very private spot.
Anyway, I was just sitting there reading when I hear someone walking up. Assume it’s a family member because how would it not be? Someone plops down on the swing next to me, throws an arm around me and it’s just … some f**king guy. Says some stuff, tries to move closer and proceeds to attempt to keep me from leaving when I get up.
I gtfo of there, practically sprint back to the house and tell my dad what just happened and that there’s some a**hole in our garden being completely gross at me. He just laughs and says, “Oh, that’s just [new across the street neighbor]. Be nice.”
The f**k?
Over the next couple years, sh**head would go on to make me and my older, only occasionally visiting, sisters super uncomfortable any chance he got. Long stories. And his poor, but large and angry, dog was always loose in the neighborhood and murdering other people’s pets.
That motherf**ker still makes my blood boil.
– tornadobutts
6. “I bet you take real good care…”
I was walking my dog & made the mistake of not rushing home ok once it got dark.
A man in a baseball cap & oversized jacket blocked my path to comment how pretty my dog was & how I must take good care of him. I smiled (tightly) & thanked him. Told him to have a good day & nodded & went to go around him.
So he naturally grabbed my arm & said “Yeah I bet you take real good care of anything you have. You married?” I lied & said yes. He let me go but followed me home. I wound up calling my boyfriend to come pick me up.
– werewolf6780
7. Another reason contactless payment is great.
When I delivered pizzas and I was 18 this guy asked me if I wanted to step in while he grabbed his money. It was cold and rainy so I took him up on the offer. He ended up trying to keep me there til his mom got home because he didn’t have enough for the pizza. He tried to force me into a pyramid scheme and kept making uncomfortable comments about me.
I had left my phone in my car so I couldn’t text my manager to call me to give me an out because no matter how hard I tried to leave this guy would find some way to block my path. I took off when he went to the bathroom and told my manager about what happened. Females weren’t allowed to deliver to him anymore. We eventually found out he was a convicted s** offender too.
Normally I find an out and I always have an escape plan. But I put myself in a position where I couldn’t give myself an escape. I went on to manage/deliver pizzas for several years, but after that day I implemented a new rule which was, NEVER enter anyone’s home unless I knew who it was. I’d stand in the pouring rain any day over entering a strangers home. I come from a “safe” low crime area, but my gut instinct that night was that I was in danger.
– Paramisamigos
8. Roofies are no laughing matter.
I was a moron and took a drink after walking in a club from a guy. Hadn’t had one other drink. Drank it, tasted like jager, 20 minutes later started freaking out to my friend apparently saying there was someone watching us.
We hurriedly went to my car which was manual, so she couldn’t drive it. I shifted and she steered. For some reason we never called the cops. We apparently were running stoplights and took interstate, and this guy was following us.
We got back to her neighborhood and ran inside as he walked around outside. I fell asleep talking, pee on myself, and couldn’t be woken up. She violently shook me, trying to wake me but I didn’t budge. She finally got me awake about 6 hours later to my alarm going off for work. I woke up (6 am), got dressed, went to my car and wrecked it by running into a bridge.
I don’t remember anything after ~20 minutes of taking the drink. I still wonder to this day why we just didn’t call the cops (maybe because I was underage?)
– EnvironmentalAd9749
9. Paralyzed.
15 year old me went shopping and felt a weird touch when I was browsing books. Didn’t think anything of it, then again another touch. Turned around to see a grown a** man trying to touch me up in public in the middle of the day in a book shop.i was so scared, I just stood there staring at him.
Me, now, would have done it differently.
– Maleficent-Spite
10. A “special aura.”
I talked to him for 2 minutes at a welcome / ice breaker game when university first started. A few months later, i decided to not go to university anymore and to move in with my parents (I had not seen him since the game), he contacted not me but the Priest of our village!
He told him I had a “special aura” and he needed me around. He drove 2 hours to say that to my priest. Thank god the priest did not like that and called me and offered to call the cops.
It still haunts me how much he must have found of me online/ researched to know where I live and that I was religious. I definitely did not tell him that. Really weird.
– oldskies
11. One week later.
When I was 16 I would walk to college once a week to keep fit, as it was an hour away. One day I had only just set off and I was accosted by a guy on a bike that wouldn’t leave me alone. I was really shy and anxious so I tried to be friendly, but he wouldn’t leave me alone. He finally said he’d go away if I gave him my number and I didn’t feel like I could say no so I gave it to him to get him to bugger off and just thought I’d ignore his calls.
Fast forward to later in the day and I had to shut my phone off cause he was calling and texting so much. He was sending texts saying that he loved me. When I turned the phone back on I had 100 missed calls and nearly as many texts.
It only stopped after about a week of this. It seriously made me nervous for a long time because he’d originally accosted me so close to my house, and I was scared that he’d see me again and follow me, but I never saw him again
– cobbs_spinning_top
12. The tower of terror.
I was 19, worked at a main library in my city, with several floors and an elevator. I was taking a book truck, the library guard got on, as soon as the door closed he cornered me and kissed me. He was at least 40 and much bigger than me.
I never got on an elevator alone with him again, nor with anyone else that I didn’t know.
– Zhoenish
13. “I said thank you.”
I was 8 years old and waiting for the bus in the morning to go to my mom’s work. A guy sat next to me at the bus stop and his bus pass was the wrong color (expired).
He told me he loved me and as scary as it is, I said thank you. When the bus finally came, I got on first and the bus driver lady immediately shut the door behind me. She said the man knelt down to try and look up my shorts and that he wouldn’t be taking the bus with us.
I told my mom and after work we went and bought me my first pepper spray. As a f**king 8 year old.
– Hambulance
14. Just stay away.
Used to work with this old man that would touch me all the time on my arm or my back. It’s hard for me to make a scene although I wish that I had been direct with him. My solution was to shuffle away from him anytime he got close to me. It did seem to fix it but he was kind of a d**k afterwards.
Also same job, I was kissed on the neck by another coworker very suddenly. This guy was not from the US so I chalked it up to cultural differences, but I did not view him the same way afterwards.
– TrusTissue69
15. The fist bump.
There was a creepy hunched old man who used to come into a pub I worked at. He used to say and do slightly weird things and then one day he called one of the glass collectors fat (she was 16 at the time) and to apologise he went to fist bump her, then grabbed her hand and put her fingers in his mouth.
– ReleaseTheBeeees
Welp. I need to go vomit forever.
Do you have a story like this?
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