Any woman, or anyone who’s taken any time to try to understand the female experience, is likely going to blow a gasket when they hear someone tell them that if they want to avoid being harassed they just need to not put themselves in bad positions.
There is SO much wrong with that.
First of all, victim-blaming is the opposite of helpful in any situation.
Second, there’s really nowhere you can be where harassment or worse can’t find you. Just listen to these stories from Redditors, and take note of the mind-blowing variety and banality of the settings.
Let’s take a look!
1. On a public bus.
I was 12 years old, on a public bus, and wearing my sailor-esque Catholic schoolgirl uniform.
As I was standing near the back door waiting to get off at my stop, a small, greasy looking adult man sidled up too close to me. He had a smarmy little smile on his face. I was so confused as to why he was standing that close, that for a few seconds I didn’t notice his hand cupping my butt.
Fortunately we were pulling up to my stop so once I got over the shock of my situation, I hollered “don’t touch me!” and jumped off the bus.
Since that day I’ve always been very aware of my personal space, and have no problem telling people to back off if they are making me feel uncomfortable. Creepy people who prey on little kids are the worst.
– airithe
2. At a bus stop.
This happened when I was a freshman in college. I was at the bus stop, with a bag of groceries in each hand, just minding my own business, waiting for the bus to go home. Then, an older man, must’ve been in his late forties or early fifties, starts approaching me and saying really crude things. I should point out that I am barely over five feet tall, this man towered over me and was at least twice my weight.
I ignore him, don’t say a word, I don’t even look in his direction. His comments start getting more sexually explicit the closer he gets. I realize that the longer I stay quiet, the closer he’s gonna get, and when he was about an arm lengths away, I decided to speak up.
Now, what I wanted to do was explain that he was making me uncomfortable and I would appreciate some space, but I must’ve been all out of patience because what actually came out was “Can you back the f*** up away from me?”
Oh. My. God. This grown-a** man acted so OUTRAGED that I dared speak to him like that. He starts screaming about how I should respect my elders, how I have no manners, and he actually throws a bottle at me. He missed. He goes on for maybe another five minutes berating me loudly until the bus arrives.
Never went to that grocery store again after that encounter.
– nadiekconozcas
3. In a mall.
My friend and I were 16 and wandering around at a Sephora in the mall, just swatching eyeshadow and highlighter on our wrists. He was the only guy in the store, and I only vaguely noticed him in the same aisle as us just before we paid. It didn’t ring any alarm bells for me whatsoever, because why should it?
We picked up our highlighter and went to pay, the girl at the register rung up our items, leaned over and said quietly “That guy followed you two into the store and has been watching you in each aisle. I’m going to give you your bags, and go ask him if he needs any help, you two need to get as far away as possible. If you see him follow you Outside of this store, go talk to security.” She handed us our bags, gestured at the door, and walked up to him as we ran out.
I hope she gets all the good things in this life.
– thetastykhargosht
4. Working at a bar.
I unfortunately have a few stories but this is one that tops the list. I’m a bartender and one night I was serving three men who work at an Italian restaurant nearby. I was offered a job, which I politely declined. They were my last patrons. I closed out their tab, finished my side work and had a bus boy walk me to my car.
As the bus boy left in his own car, this black Porsche SUV blocks me in my spot. The window is rolled down and I realize it’s the owner of the Italian restaurant. He asks if I want to go home with him. I decline. He asks if the bus boy was my boyfriend and I lied and said yes. He scoffed and sped off. I hurry and leave to head home. As I pull into my parking spot at my house, I see the same SUV drive by! I woke up my neighbor who was a military guy, and he said he’d keep an eye out.
That night I found the guys name online, his Facebook profile, his business profile, his wife’s profile and his phone number. I took screenshots and sent them all to him telling him not to harass me or I’ll retaliate. I never heard from him again.
Lesson learned: always pay attention to your surroundings while driving home.
– tumbledstone
5. At Chipotle.
In fifth grade, after ballet practice, I was only wearing shorts and a jacket over my dance clothes (leotard and tights), and standing in a chipotle line. Some old dude was behind me and asking me about my phone. According to my mother, he was looking at my body, scanning it up and down. Even before I found that out he gave me the creeps.
When we left, he rushed to pick up his order and ran out the door after us and followed us home. He stopped following at the last turn.
I had trouble sleeping.
– peachyjams
6. In a cab.
I was 21 in a strange city and got separated from my friend at a bar. I was drunk and wanted to go back to the hotel so as I’m leaving, this guy who had been sitting near me all night followed and got IN MY CAB with me and closed the door.
Again, I was very drunk so had to think quickly and stay as calm as possible. He tried to talk to me and I just nodded and made small talk (I didn’t know if rejection would turn him violent so I played along the best I could) after telling the driver where to take me.
The whole time this guy is moving closer and touching me, so as soon as the car stopped I got out, RAN into the hotel lobby where I knew this man would be following me, and screamed to the hotel security and desk employees, “I DO NOT KNOW THIS MAN. HE IS FOLLOWING ME”, and they took it from there..
– 77thHorcrux
7. Waiting for a college bus.
I was waiting near a bus stop after college (I was 17 or 18 at the time) and some guy came up to me and started talking to me as if he knew me. He kept saying sorry, and he was clearly not all there/on something. I kept moving away and he just followed. He pinned me against the wall I was leaning on and wouldn’t leave me alone.
I finally got away and sat in the bus stop and he came and sat next to me. As I stood up to get on the bus – I’ve never been so happy to see a bus in my life – he grabbed my a**.
The worst thing about all this is that there were about 5 or 6 people at the bus stop. Adults, men and women, all saw this happening and didn’t do anything to help me
– lauralj97
8. At a Walmart.
When I was 16 I went to Walmart with some of my siblings. I broke off to go look in the shoe section for some sandals and as I turned a corner I almost ran into this guy. Very nondescript, wearing the jumper most guys who worked at the plants near there wore.
For some reason I immediately got a really bad feeling, panicked, and turned around and went to the nearest other section. Took a few minutes to calm down enough to realize that it was the baby section and that I was staring at an infant bouncer for which I had no use. I laughed at myself, put it down to how anxious and socially awkward I was, and then turned around to go back to the shoe section.
I then realized that guy was now in the baby section and that bad feeling came back. What were the odds he actually needed something there? I fled to the women’s clothing section, thinking that there was no reason he would appear there. I was shaking, pretending to look at things and telling myself that I was being ridiculous, when he came up behind me and grabbed my behind so hard his fingers got places I wish they hadn’t and whispered something in my ear. He immediately walked away, before I could do anything.
I listen to those bad feelings now. Frankly I consider myself extremely lucky. I also really wish I could remember what he said, but everything was kind of roaring and went blurry I was so panicked.
– is-your-oven-on
9. In public with your mom.
When I was thirteen a fifty-something-year-old man said in front of my mother that if I ever misbehaved he would give me a spanking, kinda out of the blue. Then when her attention was averted he kinda snuck a hug for a few seconds too long.
Nothing super crazy but, hella awkward.
– AggressiveBookLover
10. At a concert.
I’ve met many creeps, but the one that immediately came to mind is the dude that put his hand down the front of my pants at a concert.
He tried to play it off like it was an accident. Things get pretty crowded in the pit, so it’s not like there’s any personal space- but HAND DOWN MY PANTS- there’s no way that’s an accident. He was with who I presume was his girlfriend and when I turned around to be like “wtf” she glared at me like I was trying to hit on him.
– kittenmittens4865
11. On the subway.
14 years old and alone on the subway. Man sits in a seat across from me, spreads his legs and starts m**turbating through his pants while staring me straight in the eyes.
I was getting ready to jump up and run out at the next stop. An older gentleman suddenly appeared, stood directly in front of me like a shield and stared the guy down.
At the next stop he pointed to the door and made him get off. I hope I said thank you but I was in shock.
So thank you dear man who protected me and made me feel safe.
– Annual_Version_6250
12. In a snowstorm.
So, last year I got a flat tire on a semi-busy road right when a snowstorm started. Since I had AAA, I figured I would use one of my roadside assistants to have them replace the tire with a spare that I had, and I wouldn’t have to go outside since I forgot gloves.
While I was waiting, a mid-forties early fifties man came up to my window and asked if I needed help. Thinking that he was just a good Samaritan at the time, I thanked him but told him, no, I was just waiting for AAA. Now, if he left here, I would have a nice story about a guy willing to help me with a car problem.
Instead, he gets downright pushy. He lives nearby. I can just take my car there and change it in his garage. Why don’t I just stay in his house until AAA comes? I kept telling him no until he starts yelling, and I rolled up the window and he starts pounding on it. Eventually he left when the AAA guy came, but I still took a very long and circuitous route home.
– impendingcataclysm
13. Walking in your neighborhood.
A few years ago I lived in a tiny condo right next to a few trails in San Diego. I was on a pretty strict running & hiking routine.
One night it got dark faster than expected. A man who appeared to be about 6’3”, & 200 pounds approached me as I was nearing the end of my hike. He told me; with a smirk on his face, to be careful as there are many things that could hurt me when the sun goes down.
The next day as I’m exiting my back gate he’s standing there as if he’s waiting for me. He introduced himself and admitted he’s been watching me for awhile. I decided to pretend like I was grabbing something from my car and went back into my house.
For the next few days I see this guy circling my condo, looking in if the curtains are open. He was always walking around day and night.
I checked the Megan’s law website and surprise, there he was. […]
I decided to contact his parole officer end he immediately returned my call stated he could tell I fit his m.o. and to use extreme caution.
He said he would do what he could to get him out of the neighborhood. After that call I thankfully never saw him again.
– tumbledstone
14. At a train station.
I was walking to the train station at 9 pm in a very isolated area (no one was around).
Two men were following me as I’m sure they knew I was going to the train station and in order to get there, I had to go through a dark alley. They were two huge men and I was shorter and also a minor (which was obvious cause I had a backpack).
They started trying to corner me and then they asked questions about where I live and if I live in the area and then a big family came and the men left.
– Psychological-Low868
15. Literally just at home.
Lived in a super cheap, super s**tty “apartment” when I was in college. It was a decent city but the apartment was located in the only bad neighborhood. I was willing to deal with it for $300 per month rent.
Because of the price, people constantly moved in and then bailed after a month or two. One of these people was an older (50s – 60s) veteran. He seemed polite at first, but after he had been there a few days I’d catch him weirdly leaning to watch me from behind a wall when I’d be outside. When my boyfriend wasn’t around, he’d wait for me to be outside and then run up to start a conversation. The conversations were usually harmless at first, then would get creepy like asking what my favorite s** position is and other inappropriate questions.
About 2 months in, I was leaving my house at like 10pm and I saw him stumbling around the parking lot covered in blood. I quickly left, and never saw him again.
However, a few days later my landlord knocked on my door and was pale in the face. He asked me if I had seen anything unusual with the guy. I explained that I had, and asked why. He said that if I ever see him on the property again, I need to call the cops first and then call him. It took some prying to find out why, and he told me that he just went in to clean out his apartment and all that the guy had in his house was a dirty mattress, a broken toaster, and a full on “s** dungeon”. I don’t know what all that entailed, but he mentioned the place was full of bondage and restraint type things.
It still makes my skin crawl to think about it.
– FearlessConnection
If you’re ever tempted to shrug off a woman’s story of harassment or assault as “being in the wrong place a the wrong time,” cut that thought immediately and remember this list.
Because it is the tip of the iceberg.
Do you have a story like this?
Share it with us in the comments.